Can I Borrow a Feeling?

And in other news, the announcement came today. It’s officially over. Friends of mine called off their wedding. I haven’t heard yet if just the wedding is off, or if the entire engagement is off–or even the entire relationship, though I expect the latter. (For the life of me I’ve never really understood the use of former or latter when you have a list like that. I’m just guessing at what’s the correct usage. Wow, we’re just laying it all out tonight.) That saddens me.

Marriage is a hard thing. It’s nothing to enter lightly. But it’s also something that doesn’t get easier. It’s not like a light goes off in your head and you know that this is it. It’s a commitment to stick with somebody and work things out. Some people think that there is one chosen person out there for each of us to marry (assuming it’s in the scheme of your life to get married, which is not a valid assumption). I’m not so sure about that. I think it’s more a matter of really working and trying to live with somebody. Marriage takes a lot of effort, and you can’t sit on your hands hoping that this is the one. You have to put forth the effort to make sure they stay the one. You’ve got to make the relationship happen. Obviously you don’t do that with any random stranger, you’ve got to have a deep friendship there. But there will be times when you can’t stand each other. Doubts will crowd your mind and you’ll wonder what you’re doing. And that’s when you stick it out. That’s marriage.

I don’t mean to harp on my friends. They’re unsure of what they’re doing and they’ve decided to hold off. That’s a smart thing to do. It’s also a very difficult thing to suddenly throw so many plans into the air. The chances of everything falling back into place again are slim. You’ve got even more work to do to keep things together. And I don’t just mean the relationship, I mean your sanity. That’s a blow to your sense of self, and regardless of where the relationship stands, you need some love. And sometimes in the midst of life, that’s hard to find. I hope against hope that they’re able to find it.

Flancrest Enterprises

Speaking of this thing, I find the nomenclature of this interesting (any time you even think you can use the word nomenclature, you have to go for it). It’s officially called “ReAL Thoughts.” But that’s just the name I gave it when I made it a part of so it would fit in. Before that it was “Daily Ponderings.” As you can tell, I’ve never really had a good name for it. And now it seems pointless to come up with a better name, since everyone on the planet has a blog with their own clever little name. Anything I come up with would sound like tapioca pudding. Feelings of inadequacy.

I think I’ll order a Tab.

I so often feel like an inadequate blogger. I’m not really a blogger. I started long before the blogger trend started, so I’m more my own thing. It’s just an easy label to give to what I do. But blogging can have a pretty loose definition, so I can weasel my way in there. I feel inadequate because I don’t have all the cool features other blogs do. I’m contemplated adding them for a while, and I’m struggling to figure out the best way to do it. Part of me likes the DIY feel of this blog. I code it myself (using Dreamweaver), rather than relying on some ready-made publishing program like Blogger. I actually tried that for a while, but I didn’t like the lack of freedom. But I do wish I had some of the niceties. I wish people reading this could post comments. It could create some nice dialogue, though it could also end up just being my mother asking what the heck I’m rambling about. Part of me feels like if I just had the right software or the right plug-in, or the right computer knowledge I’d be able to make this thing that much cooler and I’d update it more often and people wouldn’t have to stop by for a visit and wonder why the heck I haven’t written anything in over a week. Feelings of inadequacy. Maybe that means I’m pushing myself forward. Maybe it means I want something that just isn’t going to happen.

You’re just yellow trash You’re just yellow trash You’re Just Yellow Trash

Inadequacy is the spice of life. Someone speculated today that feelings of inadequacy are a good indication that you’re doing the right thing. If you feel thoroughly adequate, than you’re not being pushed, you’re not growing, you’re not moving forward. You’re stagnant, and that’s no place to be. So embrace your inadequacy, and know that you’re [hopefully] improving.

“Type control-backslash-semicolon-alt-dot-escape and you’ll be fine.”

I’ve been disconnected from the Internet since Friday evening. You’d think this wouldn’t be a traumatic experience, but you’d be wrong. Not having the ability to look up useless information or even use something as simple as e-mail had a jarring effect on my psyche. You’d think being connected to the information super-highway for eight hours of my day would be enough, but it’s not. There this crazy need inside me to be connected as long as I’m awake, to send e-mails, to look up info, to send inane digital reminders to myself to and from work to make sure I don’t forget something.

Yes, I have heard of a post-it note. But no, it’s not the same. My name is Kevin Hendricks, and I’m an Internet addict.