I’m tired. The semester is already half over and I’m beginning to realize how much work I’ll have to do in the second half. It’s only multiplied when I consider how little work I’ve done in the first half. Why do I never get tired of procrastination? It’s like I’m playing a game of intellectual chicken with my workload–so far I’m on the teetering on the edge. But at the same time I don’t feel academic guilt. I haven’t been a lazy slouch since school started. In fact, I’ve watched less TV than I ever have before, participated more on campus, and spent more time with people. I’ve taken the time for some things I need to do, and I don’t regret that. I can’t regret that. Now I just have to rise up and tackle the daunting pile of work ahead of me. But isn’t it always a daunting pile? Somehow I think life would be boring if it were a little tiny pile.
Christianity and Reproduction
Does the church ever think about reproduction? Sure, we all know that abortion and premarital sex are evil. But have we ever really stopped to think about procreation, sex, and all that deals with reproduction? I don’t think so. In many ways we’ve become narrow in our mindset. Yet contraceptives were only accepted by the church seventy years ago. A few hundred years ago abortion was considered acceptable–of course it wasn’t abortion as we know it today. Back then they understood life to begin at “quickening,” when the mother can feel the fetus move or kick. Before that point in time it was acceptable to abort the fetus. It was not yet considered a living person, and therefore acceptable to discard it.
Now with modern science we have a difficult time deciding when life begins and knowing when to interrupt the process to control pregnancy is a moral and spiritual issue. Do you even interrupt the cycle at all? Many Christians so easily dismiss abortion but then warmly accept contraceptives, without considering the issues. Is there ever a time when abortion is acceptable? What about a woman in China who must abort her child to comply with the one-child per family law? Having the child would mean a severe fine and a 10% cut in salary, measures that would threaten the well being of the child she already has. Opting to nurture and protect her one living child, she volunteers to have the abortion. Is that acceptable? What about the pill? Using hormones to alter the body’s natural rhythm, causing uncertain side effects. The result? Sex without responsibility, the very thing Christian abstinence advocates warn against. Should a married Christian couple use the pill and feel no sense of responsibility when they have sex?
Sometimes as Christians I think we sidestep these issues and it doesn’t get us very far. There are some difficult questions that need to be asked, and I don’t think the answers are prevalent. However you see things, God designed sex as a wonderful gift for us. It brings both life and pleasure, and neither of those can be forgotten. Sex without the pleasure and joy a married couple should experience is just as insulting to God as sex without the understanding of the responsibility of bringing a newborn life into the world.
List o’ Sin
How does God determine sin? Somewhere is there a listing of every sin that could possibly be committed? And does God keep track of every one of those? And does he categorize sins? Is one sin worse than another? It seems to me that viciously knifing my roommate to death would be a worse sin than driving 66 mph in a 65 mph zone. Can sins be categorized as felonies and misdemeanors? I suppose sin would follow the same rules as crime. You are a criminal if you commit one crime; you are a sinner if you commit one sin. The severity of the penalty and the frequency of the action matter not. In simple terminology, you are either a criminal or you aren’t; a sinner or you aren’t. But as humans we have a concept of a worse criminal. There’s a petty thief, and a vicious slasher. One is a horrible criminal, and the other is still a criminal, but the word seems rather harsh.
I know there are simple Sunday School answers to these questions. Sin is sin in God’s eyes (as if we can presume to know what God’s eyes see), and they are all equal sins in that they all separate us from eternal glory with Christ Jesus. Perfect answer for you, ten points in Theological Trivia. But you’ve failed to grapple with the question. Try again.
When does a sin count against me? Is it in the actual physical act? Or as Jesus alluded, does sin begin in my mind? Does the very thought of driving 66 mph in a 65 mph zone constitute a sin? And what if the Bible doesn’t talk about it? Certainly the Bible says murder is a no-no. But what about something as taboo as masturbation–a subject no one likes to bring up? The Bible never says ‘Thou shalt not–‘ I won’t go there. But you get my point. Sure, some people dig deep into the Old Testament and pull some verses out of context to say that semen should not be allowed to touch the ground, therefore masturbation is a sin–which sounds all happy and logical until you realize there’s a plethora of teenage boys out there who are now sinners in their sleep, vile commiters of the nocturnal emission (not to mention the larger plethora of boys guilty of the first offense). Then there are others saying it’s quite all right, have fun. Of course those words leave a funny taste in your mouth when you consider Jesus’ words to not commit adultery in your heart. While masturbating can you successfully keep all adulterous thoughts from your mind? No pun intended, but it seems like a very sticky issue.
And what about a passage of time when what was once a sin is suddenly no longer a sin for a particular person. Marriage is the only example I can think of. In a space of time having sex transforms from being a sin of adultery to an act of loving confirmation. And what is that space of time? Is it only official when the bride and groom leave church, or can they get it on in the middle of the service? Now I’ve offended you, but can you answer my question? When does the couple suddenly become married and sex no longer a sin? A profound change occurs in that forty minute service, and for once I’m beginning to see a mystical holiness in the Catholic understanding of the sacraments. Something greater than we can understand must be going on if what was once a sin is suddenly acceptable. And what makes it acceptable? Is it the words of an ordained priest, or will the stamp of the state of Minnesota be adequate?
These are all legalistic questions and I highly doubt God is that concerned. But does it just come down to a relative answer? God knows my heart and he knows when it’s a sin and when it’s not? Gee, that’s great for God, but what about me? Or do I not matter?
These questions and more are why God didn’t put me in charge. Sometimes you just have to let God be God, and be content with that.
The Absentee Ballot
My Absent Voter’s Ballot came today. It’s an intriguing mix of mystery, power, and wonder. As I look over the ballot I see a number of names and parties I don’t recognize. I’m filled with a feeling of independent freedom, a feeling that my vote is powerful. At the same time, does it really matter? Would a vote for John Hagelin of the Natural Law party mean anything? Part of me says yes, while I know Hagelin won’t come close to having 1% of the vote, it would send a message to the big time parties that they aren’t meeting the needs of some people. At the same time, that’s a tiny percentage of people. It feels like a game of numbers. Is a vote for Ralph Nader really a vote for George W. Bush? Does it have to come down to two major parties and a few rinkydink minor parties that squabble for a chance to prove that 2% of the American population isn’t satisfied with the democrats and the republicans. And why does it always come down to squabbling? It’s pretty obvious from watching the debates that both candidates have different views on different issues because they approach problems from different angles. Why can’t they sit down and spell out how they solve problems and why, and then debate the attributes of those approaches? They can make all kinds of accusations, but it’s all because they do things differently. Can we clear away the rhetoric and look at the issues? When that becomes clear then there is no more room for debate. There is only room for the action of the American voter. We have this wonderful democracy, but we make it so difficult.
First Apartment
I just wrote the biggest check in my life for an apartment that is mine. The money behind the check is money I earned, the apartment is one my fiance and I found; this is our place. For the first time in my life I’ve done something that’s wholly mine, separate from my parents. It’s not a loan that Dad applied for and I sign off on. It’s not a dorm room that these amorphous loans pay for. It’s an apartment that is my responsibility. It is my home.
This is at once a grand, majestic, and happy feeling; and an overbearing, immense, and powerful feeling. Of course I still had to have daddy co-sign the lease. There was no way around that. But I feel like for once in my life I’ve done something on my own. I’m becoming independent. When the rent check is due, it’s my responsibility. My dad will have nothing to do with it. And if he does, I’m in big trouble. It’s a tremendous sense of responsibility, and it leaves me with one thought; now all I need is a job.
More than One Cheek
I’m beginning to understand something that in hind sight seems kind of obvious. The strength of a product, institution, or service is dependant on the standards imposed upon it, the support it receives, and the performance of the worker. That seems kind of obvious, but I think it’s something we often ignore. For example, in the workplace workers will often only aspire to the standard they are held to by their superiors. If it is a low standard, low output will result. If it is a high standard, higher output will result. This is also dependant on the worker’s performance and the support the worker receives. If the worker receives no training, the output will reflect that. If the worker doesn’t have the proper tools for the job, the output will reflect that. And if the worker is having an off day, his performance will be weakened and the output will suffer.
This is pretty basic stuff. Yet how often do we forget it in our day to day dealings that should reflect the hard, honest work God expects from us? If a church publication has no standards, the product can only be so good. If a college newspaper has no support, even the best staff can only make it so good. If the editor of a magazine receives no training, the magazine will suffer, dependant on the ability of that editor to perform in spite of the handicap–and yet the magazine won’t be as good as if the editor was properly trained. If the employees are not performing, standards and support will mean nothing.
You may wonder what brought this up. It comes from looking around and noticing when things are lacking. A radio station has virtually no audience. Why? Little or no support and few standards. A publication is struggling to function effectively. Why? No standards and the workers were not properly trained (and maybe even not well compensated). If you want something to succeed you have to ensure that these aspects are taken care of. Otherwise you’re simply doing a half-ass job. Somehow I think God has called us to much more than that.
Too Easy to Mock
I’m a cynic. I know that. In the past few years I’ve slipped into this position, and I’m fully aware of it. I’m okay with it. But being a cynic is very difficult when you go to church. Anything religious is a mental accident for the cynic. But it’s very helpful knowing this as I walk into any Christian setting. I know my mind will be mocking half the people I see, the comments I hear, the amen’s at broad generalizations. But there’s also part of me that knows the rest of me is a cynic and tells that part of me to shut up. There’s this part of me that hasn’t been taken over by the cynic, and it knows that God can still work through the perky woman who adores pithy phrases. It knows I might need to hear something said by someone my cynical side wants to ridicule. And so I enter religious settings like I’m walking on glass, trying to let God come in and speak to me, and trying even harder not to ridicule his mouthpiece.
The People on TV Are Cooler Than Me
How come the people on TV are so much cooler than me? When I was in high school I never felt as old or as cool as the people who were playing the high school roles on TV shows and movies. Now that I’m a senior in college I still don’t feel as old or as cool as the people playing those same high school roles. I never had that much style, I never had that much attitude, I never had that much facial hair. And frankly, no one else at my high school did either.
Primetime War
I remember sitting on the edge of the couch watching the exchange of gunfire. I was in sixth grade when the United States lead the Coalition Forces against Iraq. My mom, my brother, and I had just returned home from Wednesday night church. Dad sat in the burnt orange arm chair, watching a man in uniform address the nation.
“What’s on, Dad?” We usually made it home in time to catch the end of Roseanne.
“Quiet,” he commanded. And so we stood there, halfway between setting our stuff down and putting our coats away, and watched the man in uniform. Under the cover of night the strike began. Bombs and missiles were raining down on Baghdad. Tracers from the anti-aircraft guns lit up the infrared TV cameras with a green glow.
After a few minutes we stopped standing there and sat down, letting everything else go unfinished. I didn’t put my Bible or my coat away. I didn’t make my lunch for school the next day. I didn’t even take my nightly shower. I just sat there on the end of the couch–the usual place I had to claim when my whole family watched TV. Part of me was intrigued. This was every G.I. Joe battle I ever imagined right in front of me. And that also scared me. This was for real. Those bombs and explosions meant concrete crumbling, children crying, people dying. I couldn’t sit there and smile that Saddam was finally getting his. I could only sit there with a grim expression, unsure of what to think. War isn’t something you process in sixth grade. Unfortunately, it’s not something men in uniform–who have long since left the sixth grade–process either.
Mrs. Davis, Second Grade Teacher
My name is Sandy Davis and for forty-three years I’ve taught second graders to subtract 5 from 9 and to shut the hell up when I’m talking. You probably think that’s cruel. Lots of people think that’s cruel nowadays, but that’s just too damn bad. I’ve been doing this for forty-three years and nobody’s gonna tell me I’m doing it wrong.
This morning I called Daniel back to my desk. The lunch monitor informed me he’d been pulling girls’ hair, among other things. The lunch monitors are always telling me things I don’t need to hear. I’m not interested in who Daniel kissed. I’m not interested in who wants Daniel to kiss them. I’m only interested in correcting Daniel when he does something he’s not supposed to. I asked him what happened and I actually had to try to hide my smile when I saw him squirm. He knew he was in trouble, and I let him have it. That’s what teachers do. You don’t do this for forty-three years if you don’t love these kids.
If his mother saw it she’d complain. If the head of the PTA saw it they’d complain. If the principal saw it he’d wish I was more tactful, but he’d be glad he didn’t have to talk to Daniel. Alan