Lately I’ve been pretty engrossed by the Adventures of Little Jesus. My wife thinks I’m a dork… and she’s right. I think it’s fun mockery of the all the Jesus junk. Can you imagine a kid actually playing with a Jesus Christ action figure? Sometimes I think we make God a little too stuffy.

I especially enjoy adding comments to the Little Jesus pics. My favorites are Knock Knock Jesus, Baby Doll Jesus, Jesus phone home, Shreddy Jesus, Micro Jesus and Vend-a-Jesus. [Note: As of November 2, 2003, Little Jesus seems to be rarely updated and not really available. Guess these things are short-lived]

I have to admit that in my teen years someone should have beat me up. I was a dork. I still am a dork, but back then I was a bigger dork. If I could back I’d beat myself up. I wore t-shirts that said “Worship the best or die like the rest.” A little confrontational. Just a bit. I don’t quite understand how I justified it, either.

Now I find that sort of Jesus-kitsch hysterical, in a sadly sadistic kind of way. While thinking about those t-shirts today, I stumbled across a lot more kitsch. And when you find, you’ve got to share the love:

The Gospel According to Big Red (the gum)
I so wish I was making this up: how to share you faith using a pack of Big Red chewing gum.

Spread the love of Jesus today!
The hugable, washable Jesus. I wish I was making this up, too.

Hippie Jesus is with you always
And I couldn’t possibly make this one up. My favorite is Jesus always being with the juggler.

Gadgets for God
If you like all this kitschy crap, check out this collection of religious garbage.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
I unearthed more about this wacky movie today, including the film company’s website (complete with trailer) and an intriguing review, “Harmless Revelry or Excessive Blasphemy?”

“The worst, for some reason, are Visible Christians-like the ten-person table, all jolly and sanctified after Sunday night service, who run me mercilessly and then leave me $1 on a $92 bill. Or the guy with the crucifixion T-shirt (someone to look up to) who complains that his baked potato is too hard and his iced tea too icy (I cheerfully fix both) and leaves no tip at all. As a general rule, people wearing crosses or WWJD? (“What Would Jesus Do?”) buttons look at us disapprovingly no matter what we do, as if they were confusing waitressing with Mary Magdalene’s original profession.”
(Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America by Barbara Ehrenreich, page 36. I originally noticed this quote on jordancooper.com, which encouraged me to take the book of my shelf and read it, and I came across the quote on my own today.)

If this is how Christians are seen, I’d rather be an Invisible Christian.

Christianity is for Losers. If you don’t nod in agreement to that statement, you don’t get it. That summarizes the Christian faith. As much as we deny it by our actions and expectations, Christianity is not a faith for the successful or the winner. The true athlete testimony shouldn’t come from an ace quarterback who just won the SuperBowl, a winner for Jesus who can spout platitudes to his Lord. The real testimony should come from the loser, the one who has to live with his inadequacy, the one who needs his Lord so much more.

Being a loser is a prerequisite for being a Christian. We don’t have it all together, and that’s what the Gospel is all about. Getting dressed up for church is only obscuring the truth. We are sinful people. We’re all screwed up, and no paisley tie is going to make up for it. The idea that you have to clean up your life before you can come to church is heresy. The church should have room for the prostitute on her way home, the teen fresh from the abortion clinic, the date rape boyfriend, the suit tithing from his embezzled funds, the SAT cheater, the divorced mother, the anorexic tween, the drunk wino, the abusive pastor, the college student day dreaming of last night’s porn, and the self-righteous deacon who wants to usher them all out.

All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That means we suck. I suck, you suck, we all suck. We’re the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. And don’t tell me you’re worse off that I am, cuz you’re not. We’re all in this together, pal, so get off your high horse. There is none righteous, so don’t even try. When you do try, it’s crap. No one is impressed.

It is then and only then that the cross of Christianity makes sense. Because we can’t do it ourselves, because we can’t meet the demands of a just God, because we look like shit–Jesus died on the cross. It’s only through him that we have salvation. We didn’t deserve it, but he gave it to us anyway. We didn’t wrack up enough Jesus points and cash in for the ticket to heaven. It’s not about being good, it’s about getting what you don’t deserve–grace.

Christianity is for losers. And we’re so lost, we still don’t get it. The rest of the world thinks being a Christian is about being nauseatingly perfect. Instead we’re just plan nauseating. (Inspired by Jeremy Klaszus’ essay “Christianity is for Losers” in Deeper Walk Vol. 2)

If Christians didn’t get that the Onion was a joke, why would you ever expect them to get LarkNews.com? Of course, it’s still funny.

“One of the arguments I keep hearing from those who know that their church and pastoral ministry is at odds with what they say Jesus is calling me to is that they say, their church will fire them and they have obligations to their families. I think back to Christ’s call to leave our families behind which is really saying that we need to trust God to provide for us. I think the issue is that we trust the church or denomination to take care of us instead of Jesus.” (from JordonCooper.com)

Sometimes I wonder if Christianity has become too focused on the family. Is that even possible? But Jesus did call us to leave our families behind. How do we reconcile that with the modern notion of undying devotion to the family? Everyone makes a big point of God first, family second, work third, etc. But does God really want to be first? Or does he want it all? If God is first, he negates second, third, fourth and on down the line until he claims every part of your being. Maybe that’s what following God is really about. So much for the noble calling of I need to look out for my family.

Last weekend my youth group performed the passion play for Palm Sunday. Having some semblance of a beard, I was asked to play Jesus. Now that it’s over, the staggering scandal of what we portrayed has stuck with me. The bishops and cardinals of the day conspired to kill Jesus. The congregation — the people who only days before had cheered as Jesus paraded into town — turned against Him. The soldiers mocked Him with scorn and derision. All of that built up to the fateful cry, “My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?” All of that confusion and loss we so ironically call Good Friday. As blasphemous and unholy as it seems, it is necessary. But when the sun rises on Sunday morning, it is a new day.

Seven Sayings from the Cross – An interesting British site presents flash presentations reflecting on the words Jesus spoke from the cross. They seem to decrease in quality as the days go on (they post a new one each day until Easter), but it’s still pretty cool.

Christianity as the Dominate Religion in China? – “… the Chinese church believes that it is their calling to evangelize the Muslim world” — and they’d have a much better go at it than a U.S.-based effort would.

Samaritan’s Purse in Baghdad – Why We Should Keep Franklin Graham Out of Baghdad; A Faith-Based Initiative: “There were signs last week that Graham might be recalibrating his strategy. The Samaritan’s Purse website, which used to talk of preparing to help “thousands of suffering families in the name of Jesus Christ,” has dropped the last six words.” Or has it?

Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have made and forgive the sins of all who are penitent; Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, be self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God’s holy Word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance, and as a mark of our mortal nature, let us now kneel before the Lord, our maker and redeemer.

Almighty God, you have created us out of the dust of the earth: Grant that these ashes may be to us a sign of our mortality and penitence, that we may remember that it is only by your gracious gift that we are given everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.

Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

Most holy and merciful Father: We confess to you and to one another, and to the whole communion of saints in heave and on earth, that we have sinned by our own fault in though, word, and deed; by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.

We have not loved you with our whole heart, and mind, and strength. We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We have not forgiven others, as we have been forgiven.
Have mercy on us, Lord.

We have been deaf to your call to serve, as Christ served us. We have not been true to the mind of Christ. We have grieved your Holy Spirit.
Have mercy on us, Lord.

We confess to you, Lord, all our past unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of our lives,
We confess to you, Lord.

Our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation of other people,
We confess to you, Lord.

Our anger at our own frustration, and our envy of those more fortunate than ourselves,
We confess to you, Lord.

Our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and our dishonesty in daily life and work,
We confess to you, Lord.

Our negligence in prayer and worship, and our failure to commend the faith that is in us,
We confess to you, Lord.

Accept our repentance, Lord, for the wrongs we have done: for our blindness to human need and suffering, and our indifference to injustice and cruelty,
Accept our repentance, Lord.

For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors, and for our prejudice and contempt towards those who differ from us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.

For our waste and pollution of your creation, and our lack of concern for those who come after us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.

Restore us, good Lord, and let your anger depart from us;
Favorably hear us, for your mercy is great.

Accomplish in us the work of your salvation,
That we may show forth your glory in the world.

By the cross and passion of your Son our Lord,
Bring us with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection.

Almighty God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who desires not the death of sinners, but rather that they may turn from their wickedness and live, has given power and commandment to his ministers to declare and pronounce to his people, being penitent, the absolution and remission of their sins. He pardons and absolves all those who truly repent, and with sincere hearts believe his holy Gospel.

Therefore, we beseech him to grant us true repentance and his Holy Spirit, that those things may please him which we do on this day, and that the rest of our life hereafter may be pure and holy, so that at the last we may come to his eternal joy; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

(Imposition of Ashes, Rite 2)

You know it’s bad when Christian kitsch is cool. The kind of t-shirts I wore in high school as evangelistic billboards are now the latest tongue-in-cheek rage. Well, not exactly the same t-shirts, but the general idea is there. Instead of “bench press this” it’s a hippie Jesus with the slogan “Jesus is my homeboy.” Such trendsetters as Ben Affleck, Ashton Kutcher, and Pamela Anderson have been seen wearing the shirts. You can pick them up at Urban Outfitters (they also sell a “Jesus surfs without a board” t-shirt) or online at Amazon.com for a mere $28. You can also get a trucker hat with the same brilliant slogan.