My head is swimming in a sea of possibility. What happened to yesterday when I played in the backyard? Now it’s time for the dreams to come true and I just don’t know what I want to do or where I want to go. But I have to figure it out yesterday and sound like I know. The cover letter has to be perfect, not too stuck-up professional, not too slacker-creative. Then comes the interview where you have to know what you’re talking about and pretend you want to work for somebody you really know nothing about. Can’t I just go play in the backyard again? What happened to yesterday and when did I get so old so fast?
Category Archives: Employment
Scheduled Boredom
This summer I’ve joined the paid working class (as opposed to last summer when I joined the slave intern caste) and am working the typical 9 to 5 desk job. Typical 9 to 5 with your commute. Luckily traffic isn’t too bad, but it’s still a 20-30 minute drive. I’ve quickly discovered that by the time you get home have dinner and clean up, it’s 7:00. You have three hours to “play” and then it’s 10:00 and you need to seriously start thinking about bed. By 11:00 I’m usually in bed or on my way. That’s only three hours of time to spend however I want. How pathetic is that? I suppose you also have your weekends, but who wants to endure 9 to 5, Monday through Friday drudgery just to look forward to the weekend? I guess it’s really teaching me the value of finding a job you like. Living for three hours each day is kind of pointless.
The other day I overheard a child in passing. He was explaining to his friend what he had to do that afternoon. The only coherent part I caught was that from 4:30 until 5:00 he was going to be bored. Scheduled boredom. I long for that.
Thinking About Entering the Real World
I don’t comb my hair anymore and I wear baggy thrift store jeans and a faded leather jacket left over from high school. I am a college student. But the reality of life is beginning to set in; loan payments, rent, a real job. Homework and extensions and class will soon be a thing of the past. I can’t help but wonder and ask if this is what it’s all about. I flip through the classifieds wondering when I’ll find that one with my name, the one tailor made just for me. It’s only late at night when the campus grows quiet and the buzz of the caffeine wears off that I realize there won’t be a position with my name on it. I’ll have to make do and I’ll have to live with it. I may have to resort to a plan b or a plan c. But I so wish I could sit back in my thrift store jeans, read about zen and motorcycle maintenance, watch a causeless rebel and wonder if I have a cause. I want to find that cause and live for it, put the tie away for another day and another man’s money. Fight for that cause that stirs the passions in my heart and actually make a living on that. But there’s no listing in the classifieds for a dreamer, or a rebel, or a kid with ideas. They all want 1-2 years of experience in something I didn’t do, a degree in something I didn’t study, or knowledge of something I just don’t know. Can I walk away with a liberal arts degree and become a custodian? I could have done that three years ago and be $60,000 better for the deal. Something about it all just makes me wonder and I throw my arms in the air. I know there’s a description I can fill, I know there’s an answer, I know there’ll be a paycheck in the mail. But right now it just isn’t very clear. Life isn’t very easy and I’m following my road of American rites of passage. It’s like following the rabbit, and right now I just don’t believe there’s a forest between the trees.
What’s It All For?
Today was Fall Break, so we had no classes. I spent the entire day writing HTML for ReALMagazine.com. Did you see the new student art section? You should check it out.
A whole day spend excavating in cyberspace, building a site bigger, more pictures, more text, more users. What’s it all for? I could have taken a vacation this weekend. But I didn’t. It’s all based on the hope that God can use this humble little page. Use it to work in people’s hearts. To open doors. To build dreams. To push hearts to where they so need to be. To help people look up and see the beauty of another day. To make people turn up the radio and smile again. To have them sit down at the computer, and stand a changed person. That’s the point. That’s why I gave up my three day weekend. At least that’s my favorite reason. Pride, glory, satisfaction, ego–they all dance inside my head. I hope they have nothing to do with this site. Am I so naive in thinking they won’t? Can God purify my motives and work in spite of my pride? I can only pray that he can, and will.
Sick and Working Hard
For those of you truly worried about my state of health, the doctor told me it’s probably the clinging remnant of some bug. So I just get to deal with it until it goes away. Bring on the advil!
You may be noticing a few subtle changes here at ReALMagazine.com. I’ve decided to take my Fall Break here at school and bring some much needed change to the site. It’s cool to see the possibilities. We can do so much. There are so many things that can be done. Microsoft asks, ‘Where would you like to go today?’ and I think that’s a question we need to ask ourselves. We don’t have to sit around and wait for others to do everything. We can do it. Take the initiative and change the world.
Hard Work Comes Crashing Down
What do you hope in? What do you count on? Is it your friends? Your job? Your car? Possessions? Be careful what you hope in, because there’s nothing in this world that can’t be yanked out from beneath you. Happy thought, huh? But it’s true. That cushy job? Don’t count on it always being there. Your hard work finally paying off? Something can always go wrong. That’s just the pessimist in me lashing out, isn’t it? Perhaps, but I’m trying to warn you. When whatever you hope in falls apart, it leaves you empty and lost. I worked hard this summer, and a lot of it’s not amounting to anything. I had a lot of hope in that, and now it’s crashing down around me. Lesson? Don’t put your hopes in the things of this world. If you trust God to take care of everything, and don’t rely on your current state of affairs, you’ll never have that lonely, sinking feeling dragging you down.
And even when things don’t seem to be amounting to anything, don’t count ’em out. I’ve often noticed that God has an ace up his sleeve.
The End of My Street Performing Career
With one final flick of the wrist, with one last song, with one last walk, and with one last train ride my days as a street performer ended. For this summer anyway. The next coming weeks will bring chaos, as I move out of one dwelling and never really settle into another one until school starts. I’ll also be crisscrossing the nation, from Chicago to Detroit to Green Bay to Kansas—and back again, before finally settling in St. Paul, Minnesota.
View from the Street
A grimace of pain clouds his face.
A child’s simple smile as she looks over her shoulder, being dragged along by a parent in a hurry.
An unexpected yet extremely welcome gift from less than an acquaintance.
One friendly face in a sea of thousands.
A common occupation draws strangers together as music and a toy cross culture and language barriers.
A woman in wheel chair, pushing with every ounce of strength in her just to get across the street.
These are my days, snippets and snapshots from a sea of memories, pictures of an adventure in the city, learning what it’s like to be alive and what it really means to be a person.
Another Day on the Streets of Chicago
Another day on the streets of Chicago, proof that life isn’t always easy. Today was a pretty rough day. My body ached, my bruised palm hurt, and my fingers bled. And you thought a yo-yo was a toy. Yesterday I was hustled by some kids, today I was robbed. Well, not really. They tried to. Four eight year old kids decided it would be fun to spend their Saturday running up and down Michigan Avenue harassing people. First they tried to use my spare yo-yo’s, against my will of course. Then they took off with the yo-yo’s. I trusted they’d come back, and they did. Next they tried to take off with my money. They grudgingly came back. For the next hour and a half they kept coming back and bugging me. Sometimes you just want to strangle kids.
Experiences as a Yo-Yoing Street Performer
Life is hard on the streets. A hard days work for a hard day’s money. For everybody but me! I spent the day yo-yoing at the corner of Michigan and Pearson in downtown Chicago. But it’s not all fun and games. I did have to figure out the Chicago Transit Authority bus system, which is never an easy thing to figure out. But you know what I learned? It’s almost faster to walk. After waiting for the bus, and then considering that the bus stops at every stinkin’ corner, it takes just as much time to walk. I also earned myself a few cuts and bruises today. You think yo-yo’s are nice, safe toys, do ya? Well, I got news for you. I usually wrap three of my fingers to save them from string burns and blisters, and today I had to bandage a fourth. I also managed to bruise the palm of my hand. And as if the yo-yo wasn’t giving me enough trouble, I was hustled by a group of kids. They were determined to show me how good they could yo-yo, and were adamant that I pay them for their trouble. Kids. But to be serious, I did receive a few comments that me stop and think. One lady described my yo-yoing as, “real pretty,” which I think says a lot for the yo-yo itself (I can assure you the sweaty kid attached to the yo-yo wasn’t too pretty). Another kid asked what I was majoring in (the sign on my box says, “College Student”). I replied, “Writing.” He tossed a buck in my box and said, “Well write me a book.”
I’m also still loving the public transportation system here in Chicago. Rather than fight traffic for over an hour, I curl up with a book on the Metra. I’ve been reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity. Rather than try to recapitulate what Lewis said and really mess it up, I’m just going to tell you to go read his book. It’s a very practical, very honest, and very logical defense of Christianity. Sometimes it’s a little too logical for me, but if you can wade through the deep mental waters, he says some very powerful stuff. Add it to your summer reading list. Oh wait, it is summer. Silly me. Go pick up the book now and read it.