The weed-whacker is an essential weapon for the suburban commando, but that’s what they want you to think. There are other options, or so I’ve been told after lamenting the prospect of having to buy an engine that spins a strip of plastic really fast.

Apparently there’s a mechanical version you can buy, something that looks like oversized scissors. I figured there would be something like this, but I wonder how much longer it would take. The joy of my mechanical lawn mower is that it takes the same amount of time as a motorized one. No matter what I have to push a mower over every inch of my lawn. But edging my weeds is a different story. A weed-whacker mows ’em down in one swoop. You don’t spend much time lining anything up or getting as close to the house as you can. The plastic strip won’t hurt cement, so you move in for the kill. I doubt the same could be said of large scissors. You’d have to move in, get the blades around both sides and finish the job. Sounds more like more time and effort than I’d like to expend.

Of course the alternative is a noise weed-whip, so maybe I should stop whining and suck it up. Or I could get one of those scythes, and sport the grim reaper look. Though I’d probably take my leg off.

All this pissing and moaning over some weeds on the edge of my lawn. Sheesh, I need to get a grip.