Why why why. That’s my chorus lately. That’s always the question, isn’t it? Or when. Or how. Or even what. I suppose I’m wondering that now as well. What am I supposed to be doing? Some days your job is in the toilet and you’re looking for something else and nothing is coming. Some days happen more often than others.

And some days I want to start a commune. Maybe stay home and make money off the Internet. Because that works. Or maybe I’ll write a book and all my money woes will disappear. That’s how it works, right? I’ve got one shot, one chance, I’ve got to do it myself and make it happen. It worked for Eminem, right? Somehow I don’t think so.

It can’t be that simple. It can’t be that easy. Or maybe it is and I just don’t have the guts to try. It’s not so easy when others are relying on you, when there’s a long-term plan at stake. It’s easier to take risks when you’re on your own.

I’m just tired of business as usual. I’m tired of reading memos, of hearing rumors, of knowing how dumb things really are. Maybe I’m not always right, but I know when something is definitely wrong. The ship is sinking and I want off. There’s just nothing around but icy water, and it’s none too inviting. I don’t see the rescue ships, I don’t see the cavalry, I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.