Today at the General Convention in Minneapolis the Episcopal Church took the first step towards confirming a gay bishop. A second vote comes tomorrow that will approve or reject Rev. Gene Robinson’s candidacy for the New Hampshire diocese.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to think about this whole issue. A blog I read almost daily received some unkind personal jabs after posting a few comments about homosexuality, and I’m not eager to receive the same. Especially since that blog wasn’t posting original comments, but quoting what others have said.

I waiver when it comes to homosexuality. There are clear places in the Bible where it is condemned. But so are sideburns. Those who turn to Judaic law for support are tiring. And there are places in the New Testament. Of course I’ve heard the arguments for and against. I’ve heard people argue that a monogamous gay relationship should be perfectly acceptable. I’ve also seen people filled with hate and rage over an issue that shouldn’t consume as much passion as it does. I’ve heard people interpret and argue for a lot of things based on scripture, and it’s amazing to me that so many different people can come away from the Bible with so many different things. That’s probably a tribute to its supernatural staying power.

I’ve heard people argue that the church is legalistic, political, out-dated, condemning, hypocritical and lacking in love, grace and mercy. I’ve also heard people argue that some branches of the church are too liberal, weak, accepting and compromising. I’ve also heard wiser people lament about the condition of the church when it comes to issues like these.

One of my favorite arguments, which doesn’t totally stand up, is the simple matter of focus. As Christians, many get wrapped up in concerns like homosexuality, abortion, Harry Potter or whatever big issue you have in mind. We find biblical grounding for our opinion, no matter how obscure or questionable, and fight tooth and nail for our perspective. Yet all the while we are failing so incredibly in every other area, we are lunging with a sharp pair of tweezers for the speck in our neighbor’s eye, while a 2×4 is jutting out of our own eye, smashing and breaking everything around us.

Wealth is one of the biggest issues in the Bible. From beginning to end you’ll find God’s overwhelming concern for the poor, his criticism of the rich, his warnings to be careful about money, to not let it rule you, to not be wrapped up in material concerns. Yet look at today’s church. Only 6 percent of Christians gave 10 percent of their income to their church or other ministries in 2002. That’s the biblical example of a tithe, which doesn’t come close to the New Testament church model, which was closer to 100 percent. As rich as the American church is, our parking lots are crammed with SUVs. We have ignored one of the biggest issues in the Bible.

While I love this argument (possibly because I like to point out the specks in others’ eyes, possibly because it’s so fun and easy to rip on institutional problems), it’s also true that we can’t just let everything go because we’re hypocrites. Just because we suck when it comes to material wealth, doesn’t mean we can’t stand up for the rest of our faith. Being a person of belief is often about being a hypocrite, simply because we can’t live up to our faith. Being a Christian means being a hypocrite. That’s what grace is all about. Yet as much as you can make that counter-argument, it doesn’t reject the fact that the church should seriously reevaluate its focus.

When it comes to homosexuality, I am convinced of one thing. Like many things we deal with, it’s a personal issue. It can’t be decided by votes and articles and books and protests. It’s an issue that must be dealt with person to person. You can’t make claims about the homosexual person without intimately knowing one. Jesus did not make a judgment about anyone without knowing their history and background, and even then his judgments were so full of love and grace that you could hardly call them judgments. If you’re going to confront an incredibly difficult issue like homosexuality, or any hot-button issue, you need to be intimately involved with people who are directly dealing with it. I believe that is the only way we can truly show love and not let our condemning hatred shine through. It’s easy to scoff and judge from a distance, but when it affects a friend it’s not so easy.

I’ve only personally known an openly homosexual person once in my life. She was my high school writing teacher. Other Christians warned me away from her classes because she was a homosexual. But you can’t be a writer and avoid writing classes, so I took her classes. I took two writing classes and two independent studies with her. It’s only through that kind of interaction that you can actually deal with an issue like this. Unfortunately, our contact quickly diminished after high school, though I did make a few visits back during college. At this point I’m no longer in a friendship with a homosexual person that would allow me to make a worthy statement on this issue.

But from my two years with that homosexual writing teacher, I do know that she is a person. She is a person capable of pain and hurt, love and honesty, joy and sorrow. She is a person with the same needs as you or I, a person who — I believe — needs Jesus Christ almost as much as I do. She has felt the stones throw of Christians, and it’s little wonder she hasn’t come closer. It is from this brief relationship that I have learned that love, grace and mercy are needed more than hatred, judgment and condemnation. I’ve learned that thinking before speaking is vital, and I’ve learned that life is not a simple list of rules that show us how to live. It’s a difficult walk, and none of us can claim to know it better than another.

Look out, I’m going to start talking about sex. Young children and uptight mothers might want to leave the room now. Is it safe? Boobies! OK, just checking.

I read the following in John Fischer’s new book, Finding God Where You Least Expect Him, and much of this quote is a quote from country/folk singer/songwriter Butch Hancock: “‘We grew up with two main things: God loves you and he’s gonna send you to hell, and sex is bad and dirty and nasty and awful and you should save it for the one you love.’ The humor wouldn’t be there if the sentiment wasn’t widespread. This is the nature of popular evangelical thinking that casts doubt on the entire human experience.”

It made me think about sex and how freakin’ uptight we are about it. A recent Onion article poked fun at this very topic, with terrible–yet hilarious–results. Why is sex such a big deal? Youth groups drill kids about the importance of abstinence, and then we expect them to dive right in on their wedding night. There’s a bit of an odd disconnect there, where suddenly sex is beautiful–just don’t talk about it.

If you’ve ever watched a movie, it’s amazing how sexual imagery is used, and often difficult to discuss. If you’re watching the movie with a group of friends, it’s suddenly an incredible awkward moment.

The Matrix Reloaded included such an awkward sex scene, where Neo and Trinity are gettin’ jiggy with it while a crowd of dirty Zionites bump and grind. It’s a painfully long scene and everyone rips on it, rightfully so, but very few people mention the importance of the Neo and Trinity half of the scene. (Obviously the entire scene is showing the differences between man and machine, what Neo is fighting for. Some would say the drunken orgy of dirty dancing is a joke and not worth fighting for–I would argue that was intentional.)

The importance of the scene comes at the end when Trinity climaxes and her expression is virtually the same as her expression in Neo’s nightmares of her falling to her death. It becomes even more obvious with the “little death” expression describing orgasm (thanks to Andrew O’Hehir of Salon.com). How’s that for a freakout? That’s the gravity of what Neo is dealing with, and that scene nails it so poignantly. But it’s about sex, so let’s not talk about it.

Sex is an amazing thing, and it’s been corrupted by adulterers, pornographers, and rapists. In and of itself it is pure, and we so often forget this, instead condemning ourselves for an erection. I’ve heard others ask this question before, but do you think Jesus ever had an erection? Blasphemer! I’m going to hell, huh? Give me a break, for Jesus to be fully human, he must have had an erection at some point in his hormone-filled teens. That’s humanity folks, enjoy it.

I’m not trying to say adultery or pornography are okay, those things suck. And I’m not saying lust is no big deal. It most definitely is. But it’s a temptation, and it doesn’t mean the whole load is shot.

The snow is falling lightly, and you are sleeping tightly. Resolutely unaware of what’s happening within you. Racing, squirming, growing, breathing. New life unleashed so recklessly, do you even know? Responsibility forsaken, turned aside and left alone. All for the sake of your passing moments of panting paradise. Was it really that good, was it really that nice, or was it perhaps, a little disconnecting, a little disconcerting, a little too much when you just wanted to be loved. Care and concern and love and romance and commitment and hope and all of those things are squandered away when you let loose and let it go and left your consequences in the trash along with your virginity. Do you even know just what you’ve done as you give a sigh and he rolls over and drifts away, leaving you alone to sort it all out, as the snow is falling lightly, covering you in quietness and pain.

Oh it doesn’t have to be that way.

We live in a culture of sex. We’re preoccupied with sex and just about everything we do gives way to sex. Even the family is being tossed away for the one night fling. Sex is expected. It’s normal. It’s the one constant.

You turn on the TV and sex is everywhere. And I’m not just talking about sitcom single moms and their daughters sleeping with their respective boyfriends. I’m not just talking about the teeny-bopper dramas with the Dawson River kids sleeping in each others’ beds.

I’m talking about the Old Navy commercial where they strut around in loose, tight fitting clothing, selling sex. It causes men to ogle the models and wish their current fling dressed like that. It makes women feel inferior, feel the need to have the lowest hip huggers, the highest shirt, show off more skin. It’s the Bally’s commercial where the camera angle is designed to show butts and boobs sticking out like that’s the goal of exercise.

Walk around in any public place and you see a bunch of insecure people checking one another out. The girl’s wearing a tight fitting dress that barely covers her breasts and the guy on her arm is checking out the girl across the way, then chuckling about the last overweight passerby.

We have no shame. We have no integrity. We have the farthest thing from a healthy self image.

We’re convinced that beauty is in the eye of everyone else. We have to paint ourselves up, cram ourselves into the right outfits, and strut our stuff. No one seems to care about character, about personality. Bra size, waist size, and muscle mass is suddenly the key to relationships. Why do we even call them relationships anymore. They’re little more than encounters. Maybe even repeat encounters, at best. And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high. The only reason it isn’t higher is because people have stopped trying marriage, so there’s fewer people to end their marriages.

Beauty is a hard, tanned body and shuddering sex. Too bad the glossy pages of Playboy and the edited scenes of Cinemax are the farthest thing from reality. Instead we have playboy-bunny-wannabes laughing with their latest boy toy, sucking down fatty foods and purging in the bathroom while the hunk of the hour contemplates the intricacies of panty removal during the back-seat fandango.

Society needs to purge something else.

Does the church ever think about reproduction? Sure, we all know that abortion and premarital sex are evil. But have we ever really stopped to think about procreation, sex, and all that deals with reproduction? I don’t think so. In many ways we’ve become narrow in our mindset. Yet contraceptives were only accepted by the church seventy years ago. A few hundred years ago abortion was considered acceptable–of course it wasn’t abortion as we know it today. Back then they understood life to begin at “quickening,” when the mother can feel the fetus move or kick. Before that point in time it was acceptable to abort the fetus. It was not yet considered a living person, and therefore acceptable to discard it.

Now with modern science we have a difficult time deciding when life begins and knowing when to interrupt the process to control pregnancy is a moral and spiritual issue. Do you even interrupt the cycle at all? Many Christians so easily dismiss abortion but then warmly accept contraceptives, without considering the issues. Is there ever a time when abortion is acceptable? What about a woman in China who must abort her child to comply with the one-child per family law? Having the child would mean a severe fine and a 10% cut in salary, measures that would threaten the well being of the child she already has. Opting to nurture and protect her one living child, she volunteers to have the abortion. Is that acceptable? What about the pill? Using hormones to alter the body’s natural rhythm, causing uncertain side effects. The result? Sex without responsibility, the very thing Christian abstinence advocates warn against. Should a married Christian couple use the pill and feel no sense of responsibility when they have sex?

Sometimes as Christians I think we sidestep these issues and it doesn’t get us very far. There are some difficult questions that need to be asked, and I don’t think the answers are prevalent. However you see things, God designed sex as a wonderful gift for us. It brings both life and pleasure, and neither of those can be forgotten. Sex without the pleasure and joy a married couple should experience is just as insulting to God as sex without the understanding of the responsibility of bringing a newborn life into the world.

When it comes to sex I thought our society was about as messed up as it could get. But I found out today that it’s really much worse. There’s been a few excellent examples in the past few weeks. First of all, there’s everyone’s favorite February magazine, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. This year’s cover model isn’t really wearing a top–she relies on a really big necklace. The cover caption says, “Daniela takes the plunge in Malaysia,” and I can’t help but wonder if she’d really want to swim in that suit. I also can’t help but wonder if the picture was really shot on location–she really looks pasted in. The best part of this year’s Swimsuit issue is 3D. The magazine comes complete with 3D glasses and several of the models are in 3D glory. But the Swimsuit issue is nothing new. Just when you thought Fox couldn’t go any lower, they did a few weeks ago with a live Millionaire Marriage show. A millionaire got to pick a bride from 50 strangers and then married her live on TV. A week later the marriage was annulled. Why not make a mockery of the institution of marriage?

But those two examples pale in comparison to what I heard about today. Now don’t ask me why I read the article. It’s kind of like seeing the tabloids in the line at the grocery store and reading the headlines. I was eating breakfast and reading articles. I stumbled across this one and couldn’t believe it. It’s about a company that makes $5,000 sex toys. It’s basically a full size silicon mannequin. And some guys out there shell out five grand to have sex with an inanimate hunk of plastic. The sad part is the company has sold 500 of them, and is currently 4 months behind. I just can’t quite understand that. If you can’t sustain a relationship or if your significant other just isn’t doing it for you, you can pull the ol’ mannequin out of the closet. All I can do is shake my head. The best part of the article is when the writer was touring the plant where the mannequins are made. The owner’s sister was giving him the tour, and in the middle of the tour her daughter came in and asked about lunch. Here in the middle of this factory for sex toys, where half naked, half assembled mannequins are hanging from wires–a child wanders into the midst of all this. The woman explained that the child thinks they’re giant Barbie dolls. Giant Barbie dolls. That’s a great way to explain it to the kids. Just when I thought society couldn’t get any lower. Sigh.

Let’s talk about theology, baby. You never really hear those words, do you? Between mashed potato bites at supper you usually don’t talk about the divine attributes of God. The depravity of man isn’t a normal topic of conversation during your study breaks in the lounge. But even though we don’t talk about theology in our every day conversations, it influences every aspect of our lives.

My fiance pointed out an article in a Christian Bridal magazine (yeah, believe it or not, they do exist) that was talking about different kinds of birth control. They were giving alternatives to the pill, and they gave one couple as an example that had chosen to let God do their family planning. They figured if God wanted them to have a child, they would. If God didn’t want them to have a child, they wouldn’t. They had seven children and three miscarriages–two of which were nearly fatal–and decided they’d had enough children and went back on the pill. What’s interesting is how their decisions were based on their theology. They believed that God planned their lives, including how many children they would have, and in so doing took the necessary steps to make that happen. It goes back to the Calvinist/Arminian debate of just how involved God is in our lives. Based on this belief, they decided that birth control wasn’t necessary.

Personally, I think that’s a rather simplistic view of God. He created us with thinking minds and with the capacity for responsibility. I believe he expects us to exercise that responsibility in such areas as birth control. God created this world with natural laws and I believe he uses those natural laws to bring about his will, with the exception of the occasional miracle.

But my point here isn’t to get into the Calvinist/Arminian debate. It’s been going on for centuries and I’m not about to bring earth-shattering insight to the debate. My point is that our theological decisions, the ones that seem so abstract, in fact determine many of the concrete situations we deal with in every day life. For example, let’s say you buy a Coke at lunch. If you believe that God has planned out your life and is intimately involved in the details it won’t matter if you just throw the can away. But if you believe God is less involved in the intimate details, then you feel a responsibility for the creation God has given us and you recycle the can.

Okay, it’s a simplistic example. But think about it. That’s what these Thoughts are all about. As I struggle with these issues my goal isn’t to come up with the answer. My goal is for you to struggle with the issue yourself and come up with your own answer. So what do you believe about the nature of God? What you believe will have a huge impact on how you live your day to day life.

Your body screams yes, but what does your mind say? She’s a woman–a beautiful woman, and look at how you treat her. You shouldn’t be kissing her just because you want to kiss somebody. Do you let your lust speak for you, or does your heart value her as the precious angel she is? I know my answer, and it’s served me well. There’s something precious, something passionate, something loving that I just can’t seem to explain. Why has the rest of the world missed it in its lusty pursuit of cover girl bodies and self gratification?