Today I had a conversation with someone on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. How bizarre is it that I can converse with someone so far away? It would take days for me to even drive to the edge of the Atlantic Ocean, and I’d only be half the distance to this friend. Yet through some phone lines we can exchange lines of text. It’s amazing when you really think about it.

Speaking of amazing, while I was walking to class tonight, the sky looked beautiful. The night sky was a crisp midnight blue (yet it was only 6:30, oh the irony) and the tiny crescent of a moon lit up the expanse. You could still see the rest of the moon, a dark form hiding behind the brightness of the white sliver. To the lower right of the orb was a brilliant pin prick of light, and again to the lower right was another bright dot of white. One of them had to be a planet, but I certainly couldn’t identify it.

I feel kind of bad for the really weak ponderings lately, so I present you with this absurd thought from my devotions the other day. It comes from the tenth chapter of Hosea. I’m totally taking it out of context, and even skipping a sentence or two–but it still makes you wonder. We never think that God would bring the judgment he unleashed on Israel to his church today, but you never know. He over turned tables in the Jewish courts, why do we think we’re safe from his anger? It may be totally out of context and not a proper reading of the passage, but it can still be a call to wake up.

“Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you. But you have planted wickedness, you have reaped evil, you have eaten the fruit of deception. Because you have depended on your own strength… Thus it will happen to you, O Bethel, because your wickedness is great.” (Hosea 10:12-13, 15 NIV)

Complain, complain, complain. Bicker, bicker, bicker. Sarcasm. Cynicism. Little, tiny annoyances. Differences. Flaws. Stereotypes. I put you in a box and you put me in another. The lines are drawn. You stay over there, and I’ll stay over here. Our societies are splintered. Our communities are divided. What I feel is important. What I want is important. What is different from me, what is not what I want, is wrong. I am important. I am number one. You are secondary. Is this how we are called to live? Then why is it the predominant attitude? Why don’t I look out for someone else?

You know what? We need to slow down. So many times we just live life at our hurried pace and never stop to smell the roses. Or something cheesy like that. But it’s true. This weekend I was reminded of real beauty as I just gazed into my girlfriend’s eyes. The colors were just amazing. So many times we just don’t notice the things worth noticing. For an hour this weekend I just sat on the couch starring. My eyes shifted between my sleeping girlfriend in my lap and the sun shining across a field of snow as it set outside the window. Two astounding creations of God. And do we ever stop to notice? Not often enough, not often enough.

Sometimes I just have to stop and wonder if what I’m doing is right. Here I am in life, making choices to do certain things. I decide to be a part of a yo-yo ministry here, over here I decide to be a radio personality. Sometimes I just wonder if I’m concentrating on what I need to be concentrating on. Is this worth while? It really makes me wonder sometimes as I see things disappear before my eyes. I ended up leaving the yo-yo ministry. Was that time well spent? My co-host who’s made radio a lot of fun may be leaving next year. Was that time well spent? I just have these doubts sometimes. I suppose I’m learning valuable skills and just enjoying life, but I just have to wonder sometimes. I get so excited about things when I’m in the midst of them. Then six months later it’s all over. Do I just keep building myself up to let myself down? Or am I focusing in the wrong area? Life is really confusing sometimes. I really value the experiences I’ve had in my life, but is it okay to question them? Could there be more out there that would be, in a sense, better to experience? Or do I need these ‘sidetracks’ to make me who I am? I just can’t help wondering sometimes, and just asking questions.

Who I am as a person so often seems to be shaped by who I’m with. And when that person leaves, it’s as if I lose shape. That part of me falls apart. It no longer works like it once did. The chemistry just isn’t there anymore. Am I always going to be shaped this way? Perhaps I need to be shaped by myself and be guided by my own dreams.

I’m just a little confused sometimes, and all I can do is sit and wonder.

Christmas Eve huh? Well, that’s what the calendar says, but I don’t believe it. Christmas sure has changed for me since being a little kid. I’m looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. It also doesn’t really feel like Christmas because my girl friend’s not here. She’s in Indiana, with family. Yeah, kinda sucks. But she’ll be back on Saturday (aka, don’t look for a Daily Thought on Saturday, I’ll be with you know who). :)

Christmas. This is when the Savior of the world was born, right? And we celebrate by decorating a pine tree and giving each other presents? Yeah, makes sense to me.

At a kid’s Christmas program a few weeks ago, the teacher was sharing some drawings about Christmas that the kids had done. I think the coolest one I saw was a picture of the baby Jesus next to a picture of the older Jesus, hanging on the cross. The kid made a pretty major connection–one most of us forget. But what really amazed me was the Jesus on the cross. He had a big huge smile. It may not be exactly accurate, but it really makes you think.

“Christmas” he thought, “doesn’t come from the store.”

“Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more.” (How the Grinch Stole Christmas! by Dr. Seuss)

Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself who I think I am. Just who do I think I am? Everyday I paste my thoughts here for all to see–as if I have it all together. The truth is I don’t. I don’t have everything taken care of, I don’t have it all in place, I don’t know what’s going on. Half the time my searing sarcasm and cynicism is directed right back at myself–and if I don’t intend it that way, it probably should be.

I just feel like I’m making myself to be some great guru, dispensing his wisdom through the Internet. A wise sage, who never does wrong and has all the right answers. Quite honestly, I don’t know the answers, and this is my poor attempt at grasping for those answers.

“But then I stop and look and think about how big I really am / Oh let my pride fall down / I’m a little man.” -The Supertones, “Little Man”

I don’t feel very profound today.

I learned two things today. Well, I probably already knew them, but a review is always a good thing. 1) Doing nice things for people is nice. 2) Attitude is everything.