My grandmother passed away last week, two weeks shy of her 94th birthday and 100 days after her husband died. This marks the last of my grandparents to die, so it feels like the end of a generation.
Family Remembrance
Here’s the piece I read at the funeral:
I did this a few months back for my Grandpa, and I told funny stories. I don’t have any funny stories today. Not because Grandma wasn’t funny or didn’t enjoy a good laugh—she did. I can picture her face crinkled up in laughter as she finishes a story, ending with ‘Well, I never.’ But Grandma wasn’t a character, cracking jokes that sought to be the center of attention. Instead, Grandma was a quiet rock. She held the home together. She was humble, devoted, forgiving, loving, curious. Those are the memories I have of my Grandma.
They’re simple and mundane memories—coloring at the kitchen table while Grandma cleaned the kitchen or made supper, taking us to WalMart or the bookstore, running errands to deliver Meals on Wheels, or visiting Great-Grandma Scheufler.
In 2018 she gave me a book of nursery rhymes from 1918 that had belonged to Great-Grandma Scheufler and then Grandma. Grandma loved the rhythm and inter-play of words, and even that day in 2018 she could recite the poems from memory.
That speaks to Grandma’s connection to history. Not only did she collect antiques, but she knew family history. She had a deep sense of pride in our ancestors who journeyed here for a better life. I dabbled in it briefly and got overwhelmed, but she could remember every connection and identify people in ancient photos. One day she led me around the cemetery, pointing out gravestones and explaining the multiple ways we were related to someone—which meant that branch of the family tree was a circle. All the while my two-year-old daughter was tramping around, dancing on the graves of her ancestors. Rather than take offense at the indignity, Grandma recognized a toddler just being a toddler.
Grandma was 18 when she married Grandpa, just a few months after her high school graduation. They were married for 75 years. But Grandma couldn’t live 100 days without him. She died last week on the 100th day after his death in February.
Grandma was devoted. When Grandpa needed more care and went into the senior home, he didn’t want to be alone. Grandma joined him, even though she didn’t need to be there, but because he needed her.
She was selfless, maybe to a fault. But never a pushover. In their early days, Grandma learned of another couple’s known but unspoken infidelity, and told Grandpa in no uncertain terms that if he ever cheated on her, she’d be gone.
Grandma had a very deep-seated sense of morality. I remember one Christmas she bought a book off my list and flipped through it. She was shocked at the profanity, and quietly traded the book with my mom to give me something else. Understand, I wasn’t some impressionable teenager, I was 30 or 35. It’s not that Grandma didn’t want me reading a book with swear words, she just didn’t want to be the one to give it to me. She had a personal morality that she did not inflict on others.
In 2020, I wrote a book called Better Politics, Please, and I dedicated it to Grandma. In the introduction, I describe how she would always ask who I was voting for. Not to spark a political debate or attempt to sway me to her side. She was genuinely curious. She asked because she cared what I thought.
When I was here for Grandpa’s funeral, I was driving around with Grandma all day, and during a lull I asked her about politics, what she thought about the rollercoaster of Trump’s first month in office. “Well,” Grandma said. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about that.” Grandma knew my opinion, and cared, but even she had her limits.
Grandma’s kindness might strike some as naive. That she might have been willing to overlook sins and slights for the sake of peace and politeness. That’s probably true, but I don’t think it was naivety or that anyone could pull one over on Grandma. She may have kept her judgments to herself, but I think she had them. The Bible says in the Christmas story that “Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.” I see Grandma that way, observing everything that happened and thinking, meditating, and praying on it.
Loving, devoted, gracious. These words describe my grandmother. And I can think of no better example than this family’s greatest tragedy. She lost a son at the hands of her grandson. As broken and painful as that moment was, when hope seemed lost, she clung to love instead of hate. At Grandpa’s funeral, when we were gathering pictures of all the kids, grandkids, and great grandkids with Grandpa, she insisted we include a picture of that lost grandson.
She wasn’t naive about him. She knew who he was. And she loved him anyway.
That’s a depth of grace that’s hard to fathom and hard to accept. She would tell you she learned that impossible grace from her Lord and Saviour, and would likely say she was a poor reflection of that ultimate grace. There’s that classic Grandma humility again.
She would demure, but she’s the greatest example of loving kindness I’ve ever known. I can think of no better inheritance for her to leave her loved ones. Like all of you, I’m grateful to have known her, and will cherish her always.
More Thoughts
With Grandpa and Grandpa dying so close together, it’s been a bit of an tough season. I’ve known these deaths were coming for a long time, and both were a mercy. But of course it’s sad.
After the funeral a lot of people came up to me and thanked me for what I shared. Speaking at funerals is always awkward and difficult, so that was a relief. I’m grateful so many people thought I captured Grandma so well. It makes it easier when their life is so full of examples to draw on. I couldn’t recall many funny stories of Grandma, but her kindness just stood out so starkly.
I’m pictured above with Grandma and her cat in 1988. She always loved cats. I also love this picture below. Lexi was about 11 months old and Grandma would have been 75. Lexi was learning to walk and wanted everyone to hold her hands and help her walk. So Grandma bent over her great-granddaughter and led her down the hall.
Obituary
Here’s her official obituary:
Wanda Norene Madden, 93, passed away at Mennonite Friendship Communities in South Hutchinson, KS on May 27, 2025. Wanda was born June 9, 1931 in rural Ellinwood, KS. She was the daughter of Paul and Gertrude (Tanck) Scheufler. A lifetime Ellinwood and Raymond resident she graduated from Ellinwood High School in 1949 and later married Billy Wayne Madden at First Baptist Church on Sept. 7, 1949. They enjoyed 75 + years of marriage together. She was a mother and homemaker but was not afraid to step outside of the home to work when the need arose. She loved birds, chickens, antiques, gardening, quilting, and helping others. She was very kind and loving to all she came in contact with. Wanda was a lifetime member and supporter of First Baptist Church Ellinwood where she served in many capacities throughout the years. She loved and followed the Lord with all her heart and served Him in any way she could.
Survivors include Daughters, Pam Hendricks (Kerry), South Hutchinson, KS and Tamara Madden, Hutchinson, KS; Grandchildren Rick Hendricks, Kevin Hendricks (Abby), Thomas W. Madden (Elizabeth), Julie Boeckman (Matt), Breiane Madden, Tyler Young; 15 Great-Grandchildren, and 1 Great-Great-Grandchild.
She was preceded in death by Husband, Bill Madden; Son, Tom Madden; Grandson, David; Infant Great-Grandchild, Isaiah Madden; and sister, LaVeta Jones.
Funeral service will be 2:00 PM, Tues., June 3rd at First Baptist Church south of Ellinwood, KS with Pastor David Wesner officiating. Visitation will take place 12-6 PM, Mon., June 2nd at Minnis Chapel in Ellinwood with family receiving friends from 4-6 PM. Memorials are suggested to Ellinwood Ministerial Alliance or Ellinwood Heritage Senior Center in care of Minnis Chapel, PO Box 246, Ellinwood, KS 67526. Condolences may be left at www.minnischapel.org