Rapture Notification System

I saw this mentioned earlier this week but didn’t pay any attention to it until I saw the url: http://www.youvebeenleftbehind.com.

For $40 per year you can join a rapture notification system that will notify your heathen friends and family that Jesus has returned and taken you back to heaven with him and those punk sinners have a second chance:

We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the “Rapture” of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.

Wow. I know Christians are wacky, but come on. All that’s missing is the Timothy LaHaye endorsement, maybe a free copy of Left Behind when you sign up.

My favorite part is that the whole thing is triggered when their team members fail to log in. I can just see the rapture false alarms that will cause untold panic (and laughter). Or perhaps “This is a test of the emergency rapture system…”

(link via wide_awake)

4 thoughts on “Rapture Notification System”

  1. Yeah, because when millions of Christians suddenly disappear into thin air, no one will notice or figure out why, because no one in secular culture knows about the Rapture. It’s a big secret. They’ll only figure out what happened when they get a document in their email.

    Seriously, if the rapture happened (which it won’t), and if our friends and loved ones couldn’t figure out why we disappeared simultaneously with the millions of other Christians, we must have kept our Christianity a very closely held secret.

  2. Wow, they are putting a lot of stock in the faith of 3-5 people. 3-5 people who are currently working for a very nice scam…

    Also – in case of rapture – check e-mail? I’m kinda thinking that when a rapture happens it will be more of a panic, flee, riot type mentality – not so much with the e-mail checking.

  3. MILLIONS MISSING or MILLIONS MISSLERING?

    Many these days are abandoning the pretribulation rapture view, and the June, 1995 article by Chuck Missler (”Byzantine Text Discovery: Ephraem the Syrian”) reveals why there is such a mutiny! First of all, the authoritative scholar that Missler cited, Dr. Paul Alexander, referred only to “Pseudo-Ephraem” and not to Ephraem the Syrian. (If an unsigned ancient manuscript resembles the real Ephraem but there is a question of authorship, they assign it to “Pseudo-Ephraem” – the word “pseudo” meaning “possibly.” For some groundless reason, Grant Jeffrey, the one who reportedly found the “discovery,” changed Dr. Alexander’s terminology! For more info on Jeffrey, Google “Wily Jeffrey.”) And Missler’s scholarship is also questionable. According to the Los Angeles Times (July 30, 1992), about one-fourth of Missler’s 1992 book “The Magog Factor” (which he co-authored with Hal Lindsey) was a daring plagiarism of Dr. Edwin Yamauchi’s 1982 book “Foes from the Northern Frontier”! Four months later Yamauchi’s publisher revealed that both Lindsey and Missler had promised to stop all publishing of their book. But in 1995 they were found publishing “The Magog Invasion” (which was either a revision or a replacement of “The Magog Factor”) – which had a substantial amount of the same plagiarism! (Dave MacPherson’s 1998 book “The Three R’s” has complete documentation on this and other pretrib scandals.) After listing “1820″ as the reported date of the birth of pretrib (he should have said “1830″), Missler sees a pretrib rapture in that Medieval writer’s phrase “taken to the Lord” and, since he evidently favors rewriting others instead of researching, is unaware that Dr. Alexander explained that this phrase really means “participate at least in some measure in beatitude” – which has reference only to doing acts of virtue on earth and not being raptured away from earth! Alexander added that the same ancient writer held to only one final second coming (and not to any prior coming) which would follow the time of Antichrist! (Readers can Google “Deceiving and Being Deceived” by MacPherson to see how groundless the Pseudo-Ephraem claim is and to learn how desperate pretribs are to find any pre-1830 evidence for their escapist view. Dr. Robert Gundry of Westmont College has also demolished the Pseudo-Ephraem claim in his 1997 book “First the Antichrist.”) Since Missler also leans on Thomas Ice, readers can evaluate Ice’s qualifications by Googling “America’s Pretrib Rapture Traffickers,” “Thomas Ice (Bloopers),” “Thomas Ice (Hired Gun),” and “Pretrib Rapture Diehards” (the latter part). For further light on the 179-year-old, fringe-British-invented pretribulation theory, Google or Yahoo “Pretrib Rapture – Hidden Facts.” Finally – why would anyone who has the brains of a rocket scientist want to be taken up with the concept of an any-moment pretrib rapture? The answer may well be that there’s more money in elevating a rapture than launching a rocket!

  4. I think it’s pretty interesting though that within the New Age Movement, you have people like Barbara Marciniak and others who have “advertising” an event that will take place in the “twinkling of an eye” in which upwards of 20 million people will suddently disappear from the earth. Of course, the source of this disappearance are aliens, who will have come to remove from the planet the malcontents. They will be taken to another “plane” in which they can grow at their own pace. This of course, is referencing Christians who reject the “Christ Consciousness” that is said to be coming through the final Mahdi.

    I believe in the PreTrib Rapture, but what I believe is FAR MORE important is living my life as if every day will be my last. I will likely DIE long before any Rapture occurs. There is nothing wrong in thinking that this day could be my last on earth. As John says, this thinking (looking forward to seeing Christ), far from being ESCAPIST, actually purifies the Christian.

    All doctrine should be weighed against Scripture. It is remarkable though that Satan could very well be in back of the upcoming alien evacuation. However, if there is NO chance of a Rapture happening at all, then why would he bother? Complete waste of time that will make him look like an idiot if it does not occur.

    I think all the extra-biblical arguments need to go. Deal with Scripture and Scripture only. Because there are those who have stupidly placed a specific date on the Rapture and have been wrong, does not in any way negate the doctrine, if it is actually Scriptural.

    By the way, if someone is going to call me an “Escapist” because I am REALLY looking forward to being with Christ (whether through death or Rapture), then so be it. I am very anxious to see and worship the One who died for me, in Person.

    Some of you folks need to grow some charitable attitudes. If you’re so right, it makes no difference since your arrogant attitudes are so off-putting.

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