Monthly Archives: April 1999

Introspection

Bizarre Questions

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“So what are you thinking today?” she asked. This time she was the one with the sly smile. I certainly didn’t expect her to come back asking for more.

With raised eyebrows I retorted, “Do you really want to know.. after yesterday, I mean.” Her sly grin lost its edge and faded to a sincere smile. I thought my left field comments from yesterday would have scared her away. Especially after I botched them up and said something I really didn’t mean to say. But I’ve changed my story since then, although it’s not too likely she’ll look back to see the change.

But what really is the difference? “What would you say if I told you I dreamed about having sex with you?” and “What would you say if I told you I had a dream about having sex with you?” Well, one implies that I’m consciously fantasizing about having sex. The other implies that while I was sleeping last night I had a dream in which I had sex. Certainly a big difference, if only the difference between the conscious and the subconscious. But I’ll let a psychologist argue that.

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Introspection

Random Bizarreness

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This morning I woke up really late. Class starts at 8:20, and I became conscious at 8:05. My roommate claims my alarm did go off at the usual 7:15, but I don’t believe him. Anyway, I was able to get ready in record time, and headed out the door looking disheveled and having had only a smidgen of orange juice for breakfast (this is grave travesty, for those of you who haven’t heard my tirades on breakfast. To put it in Seinfeld terms, I’m the Breakfast Nazi.). I got to class just barely on time, only to find that class had been canceled.

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Introspection

Typing Away One Afternoon

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Hey boys and girls, just a quick warning of introduction. Today’s pondering is just plain weird. So deal with it, okay? Snuggle up with a warm cup of coffee and enjoy the ponderings of a mad man, and be glad that you’re not cursed with this desire to ponder to no end.

The lights are dim and the cradle is empty. Is it just me, or do you feel it as well? Somebody flip the lights on, and save me from this wretched darkness.

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Daily Grind

Still Alive

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You know, some days I just lose all motivation and I don’t want to do anything. After working on a paper all day long, the steam wore off by about 8:00 PM. Now I’m hardly motivated to go to sleep. I spent the last two hours sitting on a pool table talking. Not that there’s anything wrong with hanging out, I just hate being this unmotivated. It’s almost as if someone slipped something in that Domino’s Pizza. Oh well, I guess we can’t be highly motivated everyday. I’m just impressed that I have enough motivation to write this pondering. Not that it’s high quality, but at least it’s here–you know I’m still alive.

God, Church & Stuff, Movies

Monastic Traditions, Patch Adams, Random Quotes

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I’ve learned a few things today. First of all, I learned that monks, monasteries and that whole realm of Christianity that we kind of tuck away in the corner–they just might be on to something. Often times we as Protestants (I’m speaking for myself here, so don’t feel that title has to apply to all of you) look down on the monastic fathers and that whole tradition as a bunch of routines that aren’t heart felt. You say a prayer, you read a psalm. What’s the deal?

Yeah, I’ve been reading more of St. Benedict. Today in the commentary I read a story from a collection of monastic tales. A visitor asks a monk, “What do you do in the monastery?” The monk replies, “Well, we fall and we get up and we fall and we get up and we fall and we get up,” (100). Isn’t that the case in every Christian life?

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Introspection

Why Do You Do What You Do?

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Why do you do what you do? What is your motivation? What is your purpose? Do you even have a purpose? What is your reason for getting up in the morning? Why do you go to work or class or whatever it is that you do? Or are you just doing what you’re told? Why? A certain beer manufacturer says why ask why? I say why not ask why?

Too often I think we question the things that are vastly different from our own experience. Yet we never stop to question the very things that make us who we are. Life isn’t about successes. It’s about so much more than that. It’s not always about getting your homework done on time and attending class. Sometimes it’s about putting your homework aside and going for a walk. Sometimes it’s about putting your selfishness aside and not seeking your success as the world defines it. In the end does it really matter if you drove a new Mercedes and wore an Armani suit? I don’t think so. In fact, I think you’ll find that things were very much a waste.

Why ask why? Because if you don’t you’ll waste your life thinking you have succeeded.

Books, God, Church & Stuff

The Rule of St. Benedict

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The following is a collection of quotes from a book I’m reading for one of my classes. It’s the Rule of St. Benedict, a 1500 year-old classic. A lot of the quotes I took were from the commentator’s comments. I included the page numbers from the version I have, if that will be of any help (some people who read these ponderings are actually in this class, so it will help them): “The Rule of St. Benedict: Insights for the Ages” by Joan Chittister, The Crossroad Publishing Company, 1992

“Listen carefully, my child, to my instructions, and attend to them with the ear of your heart.” (St. Benedict, 19)

Those are Benedict’s introductory words. It sounds like wise advice from a father. Something I wish I could say about my ponderings. ;) The rest of these quotes seem to echo what I was talking about yesterday. It’s kind of odd how that happens, although I doubt it’s a coincidence.

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Introspection

Archipelago of Dreams and Ideas

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours… If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” (Henry David Thoreau, “Walden”)

With an archipelago of dreams and ideas, I step out into this world. I don’t know how it all relates, and I don’t know how it’s all going to work out. I don’t know where it will take me, whether to the highest peaks of Mount Millomeeks and the farthest reaches of the great Isle of Sneeches, or just down to the corner. But I can see. And I can hear. I can hear the beat of a different drum, and despite my complete lack of rhythm, I want to march to that beat. The hollow, droning march that everyone else unquestioningly follows doesn’t interest me. It seems dull and vapid, and life is so much more.

I see a world with problems, corruption, and pain. I also see a God with love, mercy, and grace. Why is it that the two don’t fit so well together? The question and the answer seem so obvious. Am I only the only one who sees? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But if it is broke, don’t just stand there. This world is need of much fixing. And where are we Christians? Pigeonholed in the corner of the Christian bookstore with “Our holy karaoke / Prayer in stereo” (All Star United, “International Anthem”).

Now is not the time for another follower in the endless stream of Christian subculture. Now is the time to give the world what it truly needs. A girl I know has become clinically insane in the past three weeks. She’s been sharing her faith with total strangers, just going up to them and asking them questions. In three weeks seven people have accepted Jesus Christ. Her cousin became the seventh on Sunday, and after they finished praying her cousin asked why more people don’t do this. I took that two ways: Why don’t more people share their faith despite their fears? Why don’t more people accept Christ’s sacrificial love?

Daily Grind

End of Spring Break

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A most “interesting” of Spring Breaks has come to an end. It’s time to hit the books again tomorrow. It’s good to be back in the Twin Cities, although I’m certainly not ready for classes to start up again.

The 12 plus hour ride home was rather uneventful, although I did notice a few things. I saw another one of those “God” billboards, the ones I talked about on March 26th. This one said, “C’mon over and bring the kids. – God.” I’m not too sure what it was supposed to mean. I also saw a rather disturbing billboard. This one featured two women in underwear and said, “Inner beauty only goes so far.” It was for Maidenform, which I guess is the brand name. I know advertising is full of lies, but now they’re just blatantly lying. What a crock. I did notice things aside from the scenery-marring billboards, the wild life count totaled five deer, all road-kill victims.

God, Church & Stuff

Check Out My Snazzy Easter Bonnet

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Easter Sunday. The day more people show up in church than any other day. And this morning was no exception.

Everyone comes out, dressed up in the best they have. I don’t quite understand that, either an attempt to out-do one another, or trying to show God just how good we are. Look at me in my three piece suit. Check out my snazzy Easter Bonnet. I must be good if I’m dressed this nice. Is this some kind of left over Puritan tradition, or did Jesus really put on his sharpest tunic before clearing the temple?

I also find it odd that little or no attempt is made to make things understandable to the “unchurched” person. At my church every Bible passage was read from the Kings James Version, which even to my “Christian” ears sounded undecipherable. Before the offering was taken, my pastor told the visitors that they need not give. He explained that the people of the church had committed themselves to a budget, and this was how they met that budget. Of course then he went on to say that it’s everyone’s rightful duty to give–effectively undoing what he had just said. And then there was the responsive reading. We had just finished singing “He Lives,” and before beginning, the man leading the responsive reading said, “And if you don’t believe he lives, here’s proof,” and he proceeded to read the passages describing Christ’s resurrection (again in the archaic King James Version). Now certainly to a Christian, that’s proof. But he was clearly talking to the unsaved that were there that day. Proof? Quoting Bible verses at somebody is proof? I couldn’t help but question that.

You can tell I had a rather cynical attitude the entire time. And what happened? How effective was this sub-par outreach? After the sermon, two people came forwarded and accepted Christ, two more had raised their hands, but didn’t want to come forward, and nearly a dozen raised their hands asking for prayer in dealing with spiritual issues in their lives. Perhaps I should shut my cynical mouth, and realize that God is going to work no matter how things are done. Of course that doesn’t mean we should put no work into a service, thinking that God will work despite our laziness. But perhaps it does mean that I should be a little less judgmental of what I think is a church service that doesn’t speak to the unsaved.