Today I had a free ice cream cone as a part of Ben & Jerry’s Free Cone Day. Tomorrow the free gluttony continues when Baskin Robbins follows suit.

Happy ’03.

Large foam vegetables with no arms and no legs moving around on stage and putting on a theatrical production. That’s the most ludicrous and coolest concept I’ve ever heard of. I saw Veggie Tales Live the other night, and frankly it doesn’t matter how the script went, seeing vegetables hop around on stage is worth the price of admission.

I’d like to make a couple predictions. You can take them or leave them, but if you take them and make a profit, I’d like to claim a cut some day. If you take them and come to ruin, I’d like to deny responsibility.

Prediction #1: In the next 5-10 years it’s going to be very popular for males who are succumbing to baldness to embrace the inevitable and shave their heads. There will be a number of thirty-something guys who will forever leave behind the comb over, the bald spot, the large forehead, and just shave it to stubble. They may also try to compensate for the lack of hair on the top of their heads by growing hair on the bottom of their heads. Facial hair will often accompany the embracing of baldness.

Analysis: While it seems like a great way to avoid the embarrassment of going bald, the problem comes when you have a room full of thirty-something guys and you can’t tell anyone apart.

Prediction #2: In the next 5-10 years merchandise related to toys from the 1980s will become extremely popular. We’re talking Transformers, G.I. Joe, He-Man, My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Brite, Thundercats, Voltron, Cabbage Patch Kids, Garbage Pail Kids — you get the idea. By now the children of the 1980s are graduating from college and moving into the real world. They’re getting expendable incomes and they remember their childhood and seek to revel in some of the joys of that time. Watch for a return of some of the actual toys, but more likely watch for T-shirts, posters, and the like.

Analysis: Rock on. I love playing with some of my old toys again. Of course there is the downside of living in the past and buying a bunch of crap you don’t need, but who can argue with nostalgia?

The 4th of July. Independence Day. Hometown baseball and Wally the Beer man. Fireworks. Illegal fireworks. 4 consecutive cop cars cruising down University Avenue after the illegal fireworks. Americans really know how to celebrate the birth of their country.

Snow. That’s why I love Minnesota.

You know you’re too dedicated when you look up and realize it’s 2:30 a.m.

Sometimes I think relief for the graduating senior is spelled j-o-b.

The movie version of the first Left Behind book came out today. It stars Kirk Cameron. From “Growing Pains” to Left Behind, now there’s a career.

Ah, the weekend. Why is it that I can’t seem to think worth anything on the weekends? It probably doesn’t help that I sit down to write this at 2:30 in the morning. Oh well. Tonight brought a fun game of Monopoly. I’ve never wheeled and dealed so much in my life. And to no avail. Word to the wise: Hotels on Baltic and Mediterranean will only get you so far.

It’s late and I’m tired. So I’m leaving you with a 1-800 number that’s certain to entertain. I heard about this from a friend and called myself. It’s really funny. It’s some tobacco company’s voice mail message. I’m in no way endorsing a tobacco company–I just think they have a funny message. If anything you’re helping them lose money by using their 1-800 number. Okay, I’m going to bed now.

1-800-578-7453

A question asked of a group of teens as they were being kicked out of a restaurant for violating local curfew laws: “Do you want to order something to go?”