Okay, so I lied. I will ponder after driving for twelve hours. Twelve long hours through five states, featuring sleepy Wisconsin, rush hour Chicago, and 70 mph through blessed Michigan. And now I’m finally home, where the cookies are fresh (go Mom!) and the toilet bowls are round. Has anyone else ever noticed the round toilet bowls? I only notice them after coming back from school, because at school they’re more of an oval shape. But at home they’re perfect circles. Maybe it’s a late 70’s thing, I don’t know. At any rate, I’m finally home.
“It’s alright, it’s okay / It’s alright, I’m gonna make it anyway / It’s alright, it’s okay / I’m gonna find my way, today.” (“It’s Alright” by Dog Named David)
Have you ever wanted to say everything will be okay, when you knew it was a bold faced lie? In some grand sense, saying ‘it’s okay’ is true, but sometimes it just doesn’t cut it. Sometimes in a more day to day or year to year sense, it’s just not true. Everything won’t be okay. Why do I bother trying, as if the words will work like some magical Band-Aid, covering the pain?
But what’s the point of wondering when it’s all lost in the rigors of day to day life and the struggle to put on that happy face. The hurt cuts deep, but that project is due tomorrow, and being the focused college student that I am, one will be remembered and the other forgotten.
Like tonight it was all forgotten in a few random trips around town with my friends. Three of us ended up in Edina, MN at one of the ritziest malls I’ve ever been to. For the cost of next year’s tuition, I could be the proud owner of a Rembrandt. You somehow feel out of place in a mall where the store fronts look like quaint, small town shops–and you’re wearing scrubby jeans and a long-john lined, hooded sweatshirt.
You see what I mean, what’s going to be okay? How can something so vital lose its significance so quickly? Maybe if I just don’t think about it, it’ll go away. Yeah, that’s it.
“You don’t know, no you don’t even know…” (“Nothing” by Value Pac)