Introspection

See the Raging Waters

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Passion. Intensity. Idealism. The individual. The group. Life. Heartache. Yearning. Longing. Searching. Asking. Trying. Questioning. Action. Hurt. Relief. Wonder. Amazement. Awe. Joy. Sorrow. Loss. Suffering. Sacrifice. Blood, sweat, tears. Puzzlement. Understanding. Belief. Knowledge. Wisdom. Confusion. Doubt. Arrogance. Pride. Contempt. Apathy. Pleasure. Contentment. Faith and the unknown.

I look out my window and see the raging waters. I step out my door and move closer to the surging flood. The water flows, faster than it should, pulling and tugging at everything. It overcomes, it devours, it consumes. And I shall swim upstream.

Life stands before me with so many questions, and so few answers. I turn on the TV and watch a stirring documentary on PBS. The hippies, counter culture, and revolutionists of the sixties and seventies. Where have they gone? Was it simply a revolution of sex, drugs, and rock & roll? What’s the point? You protested your parents’ materialism, racism, and violence, and where are we now? We bombed Saigon, and we bombed Pristina. Where is the life in it all? What does the 40 hours a week get you? Financial security? You call it security, but is it really? Nothing’s certain. There’s no such thing as financial security in this life.

I look back and see your young idealism. Where did it go? In some it’s still alive. In others it’s dim and faded, long since lost in the cobwebs and dust. But I also see your young idealism in the mirror. Will I bow to the same fate? I look about me and wish I could say the same for my generation. In some ways, I can see them waking up. But in other ways, I seem them bowing to the world of freedom and pleasure that you opened for them. Life is one big party, right?

Will this world ever see? Will this world ever understand? Will I ever see? Will I ever understand?

Children, Movies

Dreams about Lightsabers

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The other night I dreamed I fought in a lightsaber duel. And considering how extremely cool it was, I thought it would be appropriate to discuss. I think one of the coolest things about the Star Wars saga is the lightsabers. It’s one of several truly original things in Star Wars. Of course Star Wars is more than your average sci-fi flick, but if you compare them, most sci-fi flicks have space ships and lasers and big scary bad guys. But how many have laser swords? How cool is that? It can cut through anything. It can deflect laser blasts. It’s also cool because it’s nothing you can actually have.

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World News

Raging River in Judson

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It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring. And he better wake up, cuz he’s gonna be wet pretty soon. We’ve had a lot of rain here in Chicago the past several days, and that tiny little river that lazily snakes through Judson–well, it isn’t so tiny, and it isn’t so lazy anymore. I think it dreams of taking over the campus. Right now it’s flooded the front yard of one of the dorms, and the basement of my dorm is flooding. There’s something that makes you feel kind of powerless when you see all that raging water.

Art, Daily Grind

Yo-yo’s, Downtown Chicago and Artistic Cows

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Well, there I go again. Friends come in for the weekend, and I stop pondering. Sorry, hope you don’t feel to deprived. But I’m back.

This weekend my girl friend came down again, and two good friends and former yo-yo partners also came down. We had a blast yo-yoing on the streets of Chicago. Yeah, that’s right, we went downtown and stood on the corner and yo-yoed. Made some decent money too. Nothing like doing what you love and getting paid for it.

Highlights from two days of yo-yoing? I saw kids on a leash. That has to be the most degrading thing on the planet. The funniest thing was that the woman had two kids, so one leash on each arm. If the kids ever got smart, they could run around in circles and tie mom up real fast.

I also found out that German Shepherds don’t like yo-yo’s. A really big one kept barking at me while I was yo-yoing. I jumped the first time he did it.

Downtown Chicago is pretty cool. I haven’t seen too much of it, but what I have seen is really cool. This summer they’re having a really cool art exhibit too. Spread across the downtown there are supposed to be 200 life size cows painted by local artists. I heard about it on PBS and saw two of them while I was down there. I think it officially starts on June 15. I thought it was an utterly cool idea (sorry, couldn’t help the pun).

Well, my yo-yo finger needs some rest, so I’ll ponder later. By the way, I don’t think the summer is a very good time for many intelligent ponderings. They seem to be few and far between.

Domicile

Credit Card Laundry

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It’s laundry time this week on Kevin’s Summer Away From Home. You watched him cook for himself and not burn the place down, now see if he can get his clothes clean. So I went down to the laundry room today to see how much it would cost me. I looked at all the machines, and I couldn’t find the quarter slots. Then I realized–there were no quarter slots! Free laundry? At a college? No way. But just when I thought I had discovered the best part about Judson, I turned around and saw a credit card machine on the wall. You need a stinkin’ credit card to do your laundry at Judson. Well, I guess the plus side is I don’t have to save up the quarters. Now I just need the plastic.

God, Church & Stuff

God Does Have a Plan, Honest

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God does have a plan, and he does work things out. When things seem like they’re falling apart, the walls are caving in around you and nothing makes sense–take heart, God is in control. It won’t seem like it at the time, but he is working things out according to his plan. And what a plan it is. He loves us and has the best planned for us. We just have to let go and allow him to lead.

Now if I just keep telling myself that, I’ll be okay.

God, Church & Stuff

Living with a Non-Christian (Oh My!)

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So you thought you’d check in and see if I updated my ponderings for the past two days? Well, sorry. You know how I said I was still writing them everyday? Well, when the girlfriend shows up for the weekend on a whim, I tend to put things off. Oh well.

Many dealings a foot here in Chicago. My roommate moved in this weekend, along with some $1000 furniture that the company he’s interning with bought. So my room actually has some stuff in it now. Like me, my roommate is just living at Judson because he has an internship in town and it was convenient. Unlike me, he doesn’t come from a Christian school. So he’s not used to Judson and all the rules, and to be honest, I’m not used to him. Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with him. He’s a cool guy. Just look at the situation. I’ve been living at a Christian school for the past two years. I’ve been living with Christian guys. Now throw me in with an agnostic and you’ve got a little bit of culture shock.

Now very little of this has to do with my roommate. It more deals with the situation he’s been forced into. And I have to give him credit for the way he’s handled it. He hasn’t tried to hide anything about himself, and he’s not acting confrontational about anything. This morning I asked him if he wanted to come with me to church, more being nice than anything. I expected a simple yes or no. Essentially he summed up his current view on religion as an answer. He was very open about it.

What bothers me, is the Christian bubble. I’ve been locked away (so to speak) from the real world for long enough that now when I’m with someone who doesn’t live by the code of the bubble, my eyebrows tend to raise. Where is the bubble getting us? We have all these rules, and my school is a lot less strict then almost every other Christian school I’ve heard about, and where are they getting us? Making us look like weirdos to the rest of the world. I see the need for certain rules. But how much are we alienating ourselves from the world? Non-Christians don’t want to hang out with us, because we have all these rules. What will my roommate thing of Christianity after this summer? Will all of Judson’s picky rules scare him away? I suppose the big question is what will he see in my life?

Books, Style & Fashion

Mere Christianity and Attractive Women

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My third day of cooking, and the dorm is still standing. Aw yeah.

Today I began reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity. I got through the preface and the first chapter (not even 15 pages), and already it’s Daily Ponderings worthy. C.S. Lewis was talking about how there are definite moral standards in different cultures that are relatively the same. People have debated how many wives you should have, not whether you should be true to one woman. People have debated who to consider most before yourself, your family, your country, or your friends? But no culture values selfishness. However, I look at today’s generation, and I can’t help but wonder. Selfishness may not be valued, but it is accepted. And few people see the need to be faithful to the opposite sex. Times they are a changin’ Mr. Lewis.

How sad is it that because girls don’t look just like some swimsuit model, they don’t think they’re attractive. They don’t think they’re sexy. Let me tell you, a woman is a woman. No amount of plastic surgery, silicone implants, liposuction, or computer graphics will ever change the way God made men and women and how they’re attracted to each other. The standard of beauty has already been set, and man’s cover model perfectionism can never change it. Now if only the rest of the planet would realize that.

Blogging, Introspection

Excuses, Dinty Moore and Henry Ford

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A quick word on the updating of these ponderings: I don’t have daily internet access, so these will probably not be updated everyday. But I will do my best to still write them everyday and update them when I can. You may have noticed some problems today, but hopefully those have all been corrected. Sorry for the inconveniences. Let me know if you notice any problems with the page.

On tonight’s menu, Dinty Moore Beef Stew! And I didn’t ruin it. He’s just a regular Chef Boyardee. (that’ll be tomorrow’s supper)

So many ideas, so many possibilities, so many things to accomplish. I have all these ideas brimming in my head. I wonder where they could go. Henry Ford once said, “You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do,” (from the wall in ReAL Media Group’s office). I wonder what ideas will come to fruition, and which will be cast aside, never to be.

A work-at-home dad wrestles with faith, social justice & story.