Orion watches me as I come home again. He floats up there in the sky, behind me, as I walk home and realize that when the lines between the righteous and the wicked, the merciful and the ruthless, the good and the evil are blurred–you’re gonna get burned. I ponder this revelation, and I realize it’s the reality behind every atrocity committed on this earth, as well as every insignificant sin. ‘You will be given the knowledge of good and evil’–but he neglected to tell us we’d be spending our lives confusing the two.
When I Look Up
Too many late nights shown true with glazed and baggy eyes. But it’s more than worth it. You often learn more in college outside of class than in it. This week has been one of those weeks. It’s nice to be able to set the responsibilities aside and just enjoy life. To sit down and talk with your roommates for three hours. To laugh. To really get a feel for what drives people. To share what’s on your heart. Some things are just more important than homework.
I want to walk into your sanctuary
And all around me
The angels stop and stare
I want to lay my life
Down before you
I want to lay myself down
By your feet
And weep for joy
That we finally meet
Oh GodDid I do what I was called to do
Did I do what you wanted me to
Did I be the best that I could be
And will your mercy cover me
When I look up,
Will you be smiling at me
(‘When I Look Up’ by the Insyderz, © 1999)
Orion Rises
It’s 3 am. Aren’t you supposed to be in bed? Orion rises and only the forgotten lights are still on. The sparkle is still in my eye.
Who Am I to Change the World?
Do you ever just get tired of the way things are? Does the way the world work just frustrate you? Priorities are in the wrong order and nobody seems to understand what’s most important. Sometimes it’s just plain frustrating. You know what needs to happen in that case? You just need to change the world.
This sounds like a radical idea. Who am I to change the world? But if you claim to be a follower of God, then it’s your duty to change the world. That’s the whole reason we’re here. It bothers me when Christians hide in their bubbles and try to change what’s inside the bubble. They complain about the outside world, but they never do anything to change it. At best they make changes in their little bubble. But that’s not what we’re supposed to do. We’re supposed to go out and change the world. So let’s get changing.
Thoughts in My Head Tumble Around Like Clothes in a Dryer
So many questions to ask, and I just don’t know where to begin. The thoughts tumble around in my head like clothes in a dryer, and I’m just not sure where to start first. Humanity is such a curious creature. As sad as it sounds, we very much are like a virus that consumes everything as it expands. We consume our planet, its resources, even each other. We are such a fallen race. And I have to wonder where to begin. It’s like eating a whale, you just have to eat it a piece at a time. What will it take to tear into humanity’s webs, hose off the dust, and spread the truth? What will it take to change minds, to affect people’s actions? That is where change manifests itself. I so want to change the world, and I can only see one thing with the power to accomplish such a task. It’s nothing in me, it’s God. The world becomes so much clearer through such a lens. That is the only hope for our sunken humanity. Change the world, God. And start with me.
You Are Not God
You are not God
And you don’t know what it’s like
(“Separate Lines” by Maskil)
I ask so many questions. Hiroshima, man’s sinfulness, and my own mistakes. We ask so much of you, God, but we never stop to wonder what it’s like for you. What is it like to watch your creation butcher one another? What’s it like when one of your loved ones breaks your holy law? I can’t imagine the pain we inflict on the God of the universe. We consider so flippantly that you sit up there so far away, safe from the pain of this troubled creation. But you know it all too well. You hurt with us, and you shed your own tears of grief. Your Son’s blood flowed on this cursed ground. The ultimate expression of your love. We certainly aren’t God, and by no means do we know what it’s like.
I’m OK, I’m All Right
I’m OK. I’m all right. Everything’s gonna be just fine. I don’t really grasp what you’re talking about, but that’s okay. I’m having trouble understanding just what you want from me, but I’m not worried. You say this and expect that and I’m just left scratching my head. Afraid to think and afraid to act. But it’s OK. It’ll be all right. I’ll just keep telling myself that.
When Christians Do Less Than the Best
What does God think when Christians don’t do their best work? When Christians hail a low quality piece of work as good just because it’s “Christian?” How does God feel when we do that? Time and time again I’ve seen products of the Christian subculture that are so far below par it’s humiliating. Yet they’re on the best seller list. Or someone’s standing up and praising this substandard piece of art–if you could call it that. I understand that God will use us despite our shortcomings. He doesn’t expect me to write a Mark Twain quality novel, and he’ll use what I write in spite of that. But that doesn’t mean I can write crap. And that doesn’t mean you should accept my crap and call it good. As Christians I firmly believe we’re called to the best that we can. And too often we fall far below that mark. The world should be impressed with what we have to offer. Jesus Christ deserves our very best. Anything less is like a hammer to the nails.
Today’s Juggling Pattern
It’s late on a Monday evening. Perhaps I should be listening to the call of my pillow, rather than the call of my soul. But maybe that’s just it. It’s a question of what’s more important. I’ve already shrugged off the responsibility of work. But maybe it’s not such a powerful statement because it isn’t really work. It involves work, but it’s more play than work. I’ve found that my time is an invaluable resource, and sometimes I just need to throw everything else aside and sit. Allow myself to stop and think. Have a snack, let my body cool down, and let my brain breathe. No more pushing. No more trying to get one last thing done. Overworked? Maybe a little bit. But I’m in college. That’s how life goes. Maybe it’s just a night of moving a little too fast. A busy radio show with a live in-studio appearance that I had to host by myself, a quick English majors career enrichment thingy, a girl friend that desperately needed a nap. It makes for a trying evening. Sometimes you just have to wonder when all the things you do for fun become time sinks, and you just can’t seem to do everything to its fullest potential. But what can you drop? One has future potential, one pays my grocery bill, one is downright fun. Or am I just in a state of shriveled thought, my brain too weak to handle the day’s juggling pattern.
A Realistic Account of the Day’s Thoughts
Men will be men and we’ll all enjoy an extra hour of sleep. It’s been a day of reckoning, of examining my motives and determining future actions. A day of reading history, of the day men split atoms and ignited a fireball that consumed cities. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, so much so that we can destroy our own kind in so many ways. The cruel humanity that we must somehow overcome. That salvation is the cross and I wonder if I’ll ever quite understand it. A confusing mix of thoughts for a day with no definite theme–a realistic account of the day’s thoughts.