2001 is over. Wow. My first year in the real world. A job. A marriage. A budget. And everything seems to be humming along. Yep, nothing very interesting to talk about there.
And since this is (was) December, this marks the third straight year I’ve been writing these thoughts. Three years. That’s a long stretch of life. I’ve had a lot of experiences in those three years, and hopefully I’ll keep this going long enough to capture my odd mental state for many more years. It could become an interesting psychological experiment.
What happened? I used to sit down and let it flow. Thoughts and ideas and passions and energies that flowed forth. Dreams that spewed out of me without my control. Is it just because of the time, or is it something else. Is it bad tempers and foul timing? Is it the coming bills and all the obligations and the strained relationships and that particular time and it all just crashes together and makes you wonder why? Or is it the fact that I think to myself all sorts of things and wonder too much about what you’re doing and what you’re not doing. Is that distracting me from chasing a dream towards the rising sun? Or is it all just pondering before bed time and isn’t worth much anyway? And I can’t help but wonder what everyone thinks as they read these words and what effect each word will have on each person and isn’t that just a sick thing for a writer to have to think about? You should just write, and what comes will come. If I speak the truth then the truth is doing the damage, not me. Am I to blame for the failings of my audience? Questions that come and questions that go and I just wish there was some more time to myself, time to think, time to write, time to live. But instead there’s bills, there’s work, there’s obligations, there’s distractions. Welcome to life, kid. Aren’t you glad you’ve entered the real world?
Do you know what a blog is? Believe it or not, you’re reading one right now. Blog is short for weblog, which is one of the hottest things on the internet right now. That’s right, ReAL Thoughts is on the cutting edge. Actually, ReAL Thoughts has been way ahead of the times, because this thing has been going since December 5, 1998.
Of course I’ll have to admit that I didn’t have a clue what a blog was until a few weeks ago. But whether I knew it or not, I was still incredibly hip. Now the blog seems to be gaining tremendous popularity and everybody and their brother is doing it. What exactly is a blog, you ask? Well, I
Some things just aren’t conducive to the writing of these thoughts. Like the end of the semester and moving into a new apartment. Neither one of those is conducive to these thoughts in and of themselves, but put them together, and you have a formula for just plain bad daily thoughts. Could it be that I’m stretching myself to such a limit to finish this semester that I can’t think creatively at 1 a.m. when I go to bed? Or perhaps I’m finding other means of creative expression. I built a castle out of blocks today. Does that count? I’d show you a picture, but it was taken out by a stray throw pillow. Oh well. You’ll just have to take my word for it.
Speaking of pictures in these thoughts, what was up with that black-color thing on Thursday? Trust me, it was a lot better in my head. Okay, I’ll just shut up and go to bed.
For several days I’ve been thinking about how this thing works, this daily thoughts thing. I always write about what’s on my mind, usually without any reservations. I’ve addressed a number of sensitive issues, and since this ReAL Thoughts thing started I’ve broken up with a girl friend of three years, started another relationship, proposed to that girl, and am dealing with the current separation of my parents. I usually don’t shy away from those issues, but if need be will usually disguise the specifics in generalities so I can talk about what’s bothering me without mentioning names. Usually this works fine.
Two weeks. I’ve never gone that long without pondering before. For the first few days it was a nice break, but since then I think it’s been driving me crazy. When writing is what you do, it starts to get to you when you don’t do it all the time. You can tell I haven’t been writing lately.
As a word of explanation, I had to move out of my regular college housing and into my summer housing two weeks ago. Hence I had to pack up my computer and go through the fun of moving. Then they took two weeks to get our internet connections turned on, and that’s how I became a slacker.
I received an interesting response to Sunday’s thoughts (you may want to read the thoughts from two days ago so you know what I’m talking about). They started by asking how you can know if a person is sinning. Anger, hatred, and jealousy can all be sins committed entirely in your mind (of course anger, hatred, and jealousy are not always sins, I’m just using them as examples of emotions that can be taken to the point of sin). So then how do you know if someone is sinning? Secondly, the response pointed out that our only job is to love people. An interesting addition to the dialogue. I need to think a little more about that one before I just start rambling. Just thought I’d add a little to the thinking.
Break is finally winding down and school starts up again on Monday. It’s been a pretty relaxing break, and I actually got a few things done. I’ve once again noticed how I can’t go very long without doing something. I have this innate desire to be useful, to accomplish at least something. I suppose that’s probably a good thing. Of course I don’t think I quite accomplished as many somethings as I wanted to this break, but oh well–it’s supposed to be a break.
(Hey, just because the ReAL Thoughts are back doesn’t mean they’re going to be deep. I’ve gotta work my way back into this.)
A work-at-home dad wrestles with faith, social justice & story.