That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m not putting up with it anymore. I came to a point today where I realized I am completely discontent with my jeans. That’s right, denim pants. I’m fed up with mine. Maybe it’s just the static in the air that’s making the material suction to my already skinny legs. Or maybe I’m actually getting bigger. I don’t know what it is, but something is causing me to be completely dissatisfied with my jeans. I’m not sure what it is, but they just don’t fit right. I walk around feeling self conscious like I’m stuck inside some 80’s music video where everyone’s wearing tight pants and t-shirts with no sleeves.

Sometimes I need to work my jeans in a little bit. They come out of the wash a little too stiff and that first day is a little uncomfortable. But by the second day they’ve loosened up and feel fine. That hasn’t worked lately. The second day is just as bad as the first, and at that point I’ve given up by the third day.

Not only do my jeans not fit right, they’re just not as cool as everyone else’s. Maybe I just don’t buy my jeans at the right store. Maybe I shouldn’t let my mother buy them anymore. Everyone else’s jeans are torn and ragged in just the right spots. I wonder if they do that on purpose or if they wear like that. Everyone else’s jeans are the right color, the right fit, and have just the right amount of grunge. The closest I have to grunge is my most comfortable pair of jeans. I had to resort to them today. They used to be very grunge. A ragged whole in each knee–air conditioning. But the holes kept getting bigger and they had to be patched. Which launches my fashion far beyond the grunge and into the patched realm–which isn’t anything cool and original. I stole the idea from my fiance (she was the one who patched them).

It’s my jeans-dilemma, and frankly I’m tired of it. I’ve decided I’m heading to the closest thrift shop and buying cheap jeans that fit. So why is this worthy of my daily thoughts? I don’t know, I’m too fed up with my jeans to worry about it. You can draw your own connection between my discontentment with my jeans and the state of our society.

I got a haircut today. It’s odd, but sometimes these minor events are worth thinking about. I used to love getting my haircut. When I was a kid all you had to do was sit there and they snipped away. I could always hide behind my shy, childhood exterior and no one bothered me. But now that I’m in college I can’t do that anymore. I always dread going to the barber. It’s the cheapest place around (aside from having your roommate do it–and walk away with an Eddie Munster do) so that’s where I go. I think the barbershop, as it’s come to be known in America, is dying. Barbershops used to be friendly places where the old people in the town hung out. Everyone would talk and joke and it was a happy place. Not anymore. Now you walk in and give a brief nod to the barber. He nods at you and the victim in the chair gives a brief nod. Nods all the way around.

Continue reading New Haircut Experience →

I also witnessed something else this weekend that I’m afraid I’m just going to have to go off on. I mentioned a billboard advertising Maidenform bras in these ponderings before. This weekend I saw those same advertisements on the sides of buses in downtown Chicago. The ads feature well tanned (aka, future skin cancer victims), skinny, women wearing (what else?) nothing but their underwear. The caption reads, “Inner Beauty only goes so far.” A blatant lie. As soon as I can find an address to send a letter to, I’ll be writing this company to complain. I’d like to see a poster of those same models when they’re 40 with a caption reading “Outer Beauty doesn’t last.” I’d like to see the advertising executives who came up with this campaign tell their daughters inner beauty only goes so far. Explain that one when their daughter can’t get a date. Explain that one when their daughter is one of the 3 out of 5 teenage girls who suffer from some type of eating disorder. Explain that one when their daughter is horribly disfigured in an accident. “Inner Beauty only goes so far.” I’ve never heard such a complete and total lie. Is selling bras that important to them?

Today the shaggy mass of hair attacking my neck became too much and I had to get a haircut. Getting a haircut in a strange town is always an adventure. Some how describing to another person how you want your hair cut is always an adventure in communication. I usually end up losing. I walked out of there looking like some kind of Ricky Martin wanna be. Thank goodness you can’t screw up my hair that bad–I took a shower as soon as I got home and I was back to my usual self.

Today I saw a bumper sticker that said, “I love smut.” For the first time in my life I was tempted to rear-end somebody.

While I’m on the subject, you know what else I hate. Those Bally’s and Vic Tanny (yeah, I’m probably spelling it wrong) commercials warning you to work off those extra pounds so you’ll look good for the summer. And how do they do it? They show you people working out who should probably stop exercising and eat a little more. Cuz summer’s all about looking sexy on the beach, right? That’s all that matters in life. What happened to exercising just so you’ll feel better? Isn’t that the point? Do we want to be healthy or just skinnier than a rail?