I have a few projects due this week so I was working furiously today–had five billable hours racked up before lunch–when I heard a loud bang. My monitor flashed and went dead and the lights went off. I looked over my shoulder in the direction of the bang and saw the smoke coming from the utility pole in the alley. Something blew up and killed the power for the block.

Crap. I had work to do.

I gathered up the laptop and headed out, thankful that I’d just replaced the Geo’s battery and restored it to starting condition. I paused at the utility pole where I’d seen the smoke and noticed a squirrel, frozen in a grimace, lying on its side in the alley just a few feet from the pole. I think I found the culprit.

Thanks to that squirrel I spent my afternoon using the St. Clair Broiler’s wifi. Since coming under new ownership they’ve raised the prices and shrunk the menu (why does every restaurant drop my favorite items?), but you gotta love the free wireless Internet.

You know, I was really starting to miss these late night trips to the King CDC everytime the security alarm goes off. Good to be back. In blog form.

My wife is a teacher at the King CDC, a daycare center operated by Bethel University in a building owned by the Union Gospel Mission in Frogtown, a low income neighborhood of St. Paul. About a year ago there were break-ins and vandalism all the time. A rock thrown through a window, people carting off really crappy boomboxes, people trying to steal sub-standard printers. Fun stuff.

After a while they installed a security system, which helped. Of course it hardly stops someone from breaking a window for fun. It happened again tonight, and the security company started calling people on the list. The call finally came to us and we came down to check it out. Talked to the cop, called the right people, and now we’re waiting for someone to come board up the window. And I’m blogging.

Continue reading Waiting Around After Vandalism →

I started a small business class today. It’s nice to bring some reality and sanity to my business. I’ve never taken any business classes in my life, and even in the past few months I’ve learned a lot and I’ve even started to read Forbes and Business Weekly magazines willingly. It’s all kind of weird for me.

But at the same time, I don’t think of myself as some tie-wearing businessman. If anything it’s a means to an end. It’s a way to do what I really want to do and still provide for my family. That’s cool. It’s a way to be idealistic and pursue my dreams, and still accept and meet the practical reality that I need to put food on the table.

It’s actually kind of nice to still have that dreamer mentality but still have my feet firmly on the ground. It’s not easy, but it’s nice. And maybe I don’t get to be as idealistic as I want to be — I still have to write something that sells in the end, but I am writing. I never thought I’d enjoy writing postcards and brochures before.

And it’s fun because there’s definite changes with this new, create-your-own-schedule life. My wife’s noticed I’m a lot less stressed and grumpy than I used to be when I had to come home and vent about work. I’m also a lot more extroverted. It used to be I came home from work and I was ready to hole up with my computer and relax for the evening. But now I’ve been holed up by myself all day and I’m ready for some human interaction. I’m extremely extroverted in the evenings now because I don’t see people all day. I miss break-ity time.

This whole entrepreneur thing is kind of fun. I find myself dreaming with a new practical bent. Coming up with creative ideas and then trying to think of ways they might actually work. What a concept. Why didn’t I learn this in college?

I had to send a fax today and discovered that Office Max and Kinko’s charge $1 per page to send a fax. What kind of a rip off is that? It wasn’t even a long distance fax. For $70 you can buy your own stinking fax.

Which I’m probably going to do. Anyone have any advice on buying an all-in-one printer/scanner/fax/copier? I have no need for color, mainly speed and the ability to scan decent stuff, make black & white copies, and send faxes. A laser printer seems like the best choice, though they’re almost twice as much as the inkjets. Ouch. Anyone have any advice on lasers vs. inkjets for the home office?

(if you’re wondering, yes, my computer purchase is getting closer and closer, and I’m realizing my parallel port laser printer that’s served me dutifully for ten years will become useless, as will my scanner. That leaves me with a decent color inkjet, though my need for a scanner, fax, and copier, as well as the lack of usefullness for color are making me consider an all-in-one. )

Being unemployed sucks. It also opens new opportunities. My life is at such a crossroads right now, I just don’t know what to think. One minute I’m pinching pennies, the next I’m trying to figure out how I can spend a whole lot of those pennies. One day I’m scouring ads looking for that perfect job–or even one that’s close enough, the next I’m adding up numbers and wondering if freelancing will actually work. One day I’m typing happily away, the next I’m envisioning an easier, simpler method of typing away and imaging what could be but isn’t quite yet.

I’m in between so many different things I just don’t know what to do. Part of me is suffering from a thirst to have the latest and greatest of everything. A month ago I wanted a new car. A week ago I wanted a new database-driven blog system. This week I want a new computer. I’m never freaking happy. It’s ludicrous.

When I had a job things weren’t so complicated. I could either afford something or I couldn’t. I added up the damage, looked at the income, and calculated how long it would take to save up enough. It wasn’t that hard. But now I’m unemployed. I oscillate between a prince and a pauper. I envision each freelance job paying for six different things, not quite realizing that it’s all less that what I made before. Reality hasn’t set in since I lost my job. I’ve been living in limbo so long I’m almost eligible to vote.

You’d think it would be so simple: Do you want a real job? Steady hours for a steady paycheck–sign me up. Or do you want to freelance? Flexible hours and a variable paycheck–sign me up. Oh wait, I can’t do both. But here I am, looking for a job and agreeing to freelance work left and right. It’s not like I mind the work. I love the work. Money is good. I just can’t decide where to commit myself. Do I give up the job search? Or do I fake it until unemployment runs out? Do I stop sending cover letters and resumes and start sending queries and manuscripts? There’s never enough time to do both. Or do I just crash my Geo through the gates of Calmwoods? Ooh, kicking and screaming, please.

And where is God in all of this? Where is the clear sign, the arrow from on high, pointing me in the proper direction? It just doesn’t come. God doesn’t work like that. And it drives me nuts. It’s like he wants me to sit here at my computer frustrated by it all. The process. It’s always the process. The already-but-not-yet of faith. The I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. You’ve found it, but you haven’t really. That’s where I’m at. It’s one big ball of insanity. It’s schizophrenianity.