Category Archives: Adoption

$12.12 for Ethiopian Adoption

I’ve been coming across a lot of cool adoption stories lately, especially as I poke around at blogs from other Ethiopian adoptive parents. I’ve been tweeting a few of them, but I think it’s worth sharing them here. Gives a little more room to the story and isn’t quite as ephemeral as Twitter.

Adam and Amber Stutzman from Oregon are waiting to bring home a baby girl from Ethiopia. Right now they’re waiting for a referral and have entered the single digits on the unofficial waiting list. I remember those days—you get pretty jumpy waiting for that phone call.

They’re diligently raising money—more than they originally planned since Ethiopia now requires two trips—and perhaps their best donation just came from a second grader in the form of $12.12:

I went to our kid’s school and one of the little girls that is in the 2nd grade came up and she gave me a pencil box with money in it. She had made bookmarks and had been selling them to family and friends and it was ALL for our baby—to help bring her home!

I love it when kids blow us away with their generosity and heart. That’s pretty cool.

Adoption Should Be Normal

It seems I mucked this post up a bit. In trying to confess something I consider to be wrong about myself, some people seem to be reading it as praise for that very feeling.

Doesn’t help that I unwittingly trampled on those who have difficulty getting pregnant. I apologized for that one. And I am sorry. That was dumb of me. I have close friends in those circumstances and I should have realized how idiotic my words could sound.

I wasn’t trying to say that adoption was better than biological parenthood. Having an adopted and a biological child myself, that’d be a pretty hard position to maintain without making some terrible implications about my own kids.

Here’s the thing: I think adoption gets the shaft. In wishing to correct that, I probably overreact the other way.

Continue reading Adoption Should Be Normal

I’m a Pregnancy Party Pooper

I wrote a guest blog post today over at the Buck Daddy blog. It’s a confessional, painfully honest post. Basically I admit to not being excited about people’s pregnancies because I think they should adopt.

I know, pretty horrible, right?

I know adoption isn’t for everybody. There are people who just aren’t ready for it and there are people who simply shouldn’t adopt. And I get that. But I can’t help hearing about a pregnancy and thinking that they could have adopted. I wish they’d consider it. And maybe they have.

I’m trying to get over it.

I used to be excited when I heard that friends or family were pregnant. A new baby! A new life coming into the world and all the joys and wonders that come with it. High five!

But then we adopted. …

[Now] I’m a pregnancy party pooper.

Read the whole post >>

Update: I’ve added a new post with some clarification and apology.

My Cover Designer Moved to Adopt

Addition by Adoption: Kids, Causes & 140 Characters by Kevin D. Hendricks
Designed by Brian White

So how do you like that cover for my new book, Addition by Adoption: Kids, Causes & 140-Characters? Pretty amazing, right? Way better than the kind of stuff I can design.

I’m indebted to a lot of people for this book, and one of them is the cover designer, Brian White of TriLion Studios. He jumped on board and came up with an incredible design right out of the gate.

The cover is such an important piece for a book. Even though my book will likely never sit on a bookstore shelf, you still need that eye-catching cover.

But more than being a great designer, Brian is also an adoptive parent. In 2007 his family moved from Kansas to Guatemala to complete the adoption of their baby girl. They spent about eight months living in Guatemala providing foster care for their daughter until the adoption could be finalized. A blog from that time captures some of their memories.

They also continue to be connected to Guatemala through work with the organization Paso a Paso (I blogged about this back in 2008). It’s an understatement to say it’s cool to see that kind of commitment.

I’m Not a Super Dad

The last day to pre-order Addition by Adoption is tomorrow. If you don’t order it by tomorrow, you’ll have to wait for the official launch on May 11. The book has received a lot of press in the past week—OK, “press” meaning friends and contacts blogging and tweeting about the book. But they’ve had a lot of nice things to say. It’s enough to make your head swell. So it’s time to pop that bubble: I’m not a super dad.

I’ve found that the biggest challenge of adoption and raising kids in general is just the day to day. There are day-to-day challenges and difficulties that you have to rise up and face every day. Those challenges can wear you down pretty quickly if you’re not careful.

For whatever reason I woke up on the wrong side of the bed Saturday and I had no patience. That wouldn’t be so awful, but Milo woke up on the wrong side of his crib and he’d been screaming all morning. Not a good combination.

Finding ways to deal with those kinds of frustrations is crucial. On Saturday Milo and I had to take a break from each other. My wife and I frequently have times where one of us needs to ‘run away,’ and I that’s what I needed Saturday.

It’s stuff like trying to get work done and your daughter won’t stop asking if Sesame Street is on. At first it’s cute, then it’s annoying and then it’s like poking a tiger with a stick at the zoo. The other day Lexi did that so often I told her if she asked me one more time she couldn’t watch it. So she asked if it was time for Milo to take a nap, which happens to be the same time Sesame Street is on. Sneaky. Very sneaky.

Adoption certainly has its own unique challenges and issues you need to recognize (and in some cases very serious issues), but it’s really just parenting. More complicated parenting, yeah, but it’s still parenting. And parenting is pretty complicated and hard and stressful and challenging. Did I mention I had no patience on Saturday?

That’s one thing I like about the book—it’s honest. The book includes these moments of frustration. Sometimes you need an afternoon of TV and snacks and no kids to regain some sanity (at least one review expressed relief at sharing that sentiment). Any parent who doesn’t get frustrated by their kids and need a break once and while is either lying or a saint. It’s not the kids’ fault, it’s not your fault, it’s just how life is.

Continue reading I’m Not a Super Dad

Why My Book Supports Water, Not Adoption

We’re in the midst of pre-order week for my book Addition by Adoption: Kids Causes & 140 Characters (in case you somehow missed it). A portion of the proceeds from the book will go to build a well in Ethiopia with charity: water. It’s kind of a big, crazy goal—we need to raise $5,000 to build a well. Roughly $2 of each book sold with go to charity: water, so that’s a lot of books (though $4 of every pre-order copy will go to charity: water, so you know, pre-order now!).

Water is a huge deal. I’ve talked about the numbers before and they’re pretty staggering. But for me the personal connection is more important. People all over Ethiopia lack clean water—and it kills them. The jerry cans people use to gather water could be seen everywhere in Ethiopia, from the urban capital city to the rural countryside.

So my book about adoption supports water. A little weird, right?

Adoption is not a best case scenario. Ideally, adoption wouldn’t be necessary. There are many reasons that children need to be adopted, from poverty to abuse to social stigmas. Some of those can be prevented.

It’d be better if Ethiopia’s children didn’t become orphans and didn’t need to be adopted. I talk about this in the first chapter of the book. It’s part of why Ethiopia is near and dear to our hearts. We want the children of Ethiopia—Milo’s brothers and sisters—to be able to stay with their moms and dads. Providing clean water is one way to help make that happen. Another is development and education projects, like the ones our agency runs and supports in Ethiopia.

Adoption is one solution to a problem. And while I think it’s an incredible solution, it’s not the only one and it’s not necessarily the best one longterm. So my book focuses on another way to tackle that problem, addressing the underlying poverty and trying to improve the lives of all Ethiopians.

It’s not an easy or a quick solution, but hopefully it will make a difference.

And if you’d like to help beyond just buying a book, you can make an additional donation to charity: water to help us a build a well.

Good Adoption Stories: All the Single Ladies

There’s a lot of crap about adoption out there. Everyone has their horror stories.

You may have heard the story about the 7-year-old boy adopted from Russia who was put on a plane by himself and shipped back to Moscow with a note. His adoptive parents said they were lied to about his issues and his violent behavior wasn’t what they signed up for. So after six months and apparently no attempts to get help they sent the kid back to Russia.

I don’t want to judge, but these are the stupidest people ever.

Oops.

Sorry. This story makes me kind of angry. OK, kind of very angry. You don’t get to send your biological kid back. Why do adopted kids have a return policy? I realize that disruptions (that’s what they call it when an adoption doesn’t work out) happen, but in my mind there is no return policy. There is nothing my children can do that would make me cease to be their parent, cease loving them, cease fighting for them. I may need a ton of help, I may need a radical shift in my expectation of what life is going to be like, but I’m not sending a kid back. That goes for the adopted kids as well as the biological kids.

This is why I love Children’s Home Society, the agency we used to adopt Milo. They have an incredible post-placement program to help adoptive families deal with whatever issues come up. The adopted family that sent their kid back to Russia never asked their agency for help. I haven’t heard why yet, but that’s what you do in this situation. You get help.

Continue reading Good Adoption Stories: All the Single Ladies

Pre-Order Addition by Adoption

Addition by Adoption: Kids, Causes & 140 CharactersMy new book, Addition by Adoption: Kids, Causes & 140 Characters is now available for pre-order:

Buy it now!

The pre-order will last for one week, until April 20, and then it’s done. After that you’ll have to wait for the book to officially launch on May 11. Pre-order sales are going through me—I’m basically taking orders for a week, buying a whole pile of my books and then shipping them out to you.

Why pre-order? That’s a good question.

  • It’s cheaper. You can save about $1 by pre-ordering. Because shipping is included in the pre-order price it’s ultimately cheaper than the official version will be with shipping ($12.99 pre-order vs. $9.99 + $3.99 shipping from Amazon).
  • More money to charity. Twice as much money will go to charity: water. Roughly $2 of each purchased copy will go to charity: water when the book launches on May 11. But for the pre-order about $4 of each purchase will go to charity: water,
  • It’s autographed. Each pre-order copy will be signed by Lexi, my 4-year-old daughter and star of much of the book.
  • Get it early. Pre-order copies should arrive before the official launch on May 11.

Basically the pre-order is a chance to take advantage of my low author price and save you some money, give more money to charity and start to spread the word about the book.

So pre-order now! Thanks.

The Book Arrives

The Book ArrivesMy new book, Addition by Adoption: Kids, Causes & 140 Characters, arrived in the mail today. It got here just in time for the one-week pre-order that starts tomorrow.

The book looks amazing. The front and back cover are slick and cool and much better than anything I can design. You can thank Brian White of TriLion Studios for that bit of awesome design.

The interior is sweet, too. You can see a chapter introduction, some straight tweets and meet the family. You can thank Ronald Cox for the killer interior layout design. Much better than my woeful attempts in Microsoft Word.

You can get your own snazzy copy, starting with tomorrow’s pre-order. It’s a limited, one-week pre-order, so if you don’t order it in the next week, you’ll have to wait for the official launch on May 11. Plus the pre-order is cheaper, more money goes to charity and Lexi will sign it.

I’m so geeking out about this. I hope you can stand it.

Finally, we uploaded some new banner graphics today. Check ’em out and add one to your site today:
125 x 125 Some Dork

Crazy Week

In the Rocking ChairThis has been a pretty crazy week.

  • On Monday I announced that we’re planning to adopt again. This is still new and we’re figuring it out as we go, but it’s pretty exciting.
  • On Tuesday I announced my new book, Addition by Adoption: Kids, Causes & 140 Characters.
  • The marketing machine went to work to spread the word far and wide about the book. It’s exhausting. And thrilling. And kind of scary. I did my first interview about the book on Wednesday night. On Thursday the first review came out (wow, what a rave!). I spent Friday night doing an e-mail interview. I need to do another one today. All in preparation for the pre-order, which starts on Tuesday (meaning the craziness continues next week). Whew.
  • I also opted to redesign my entire web site this week in order to better accommodate the info about the book. I’m still working out the kinks.
  • Milo is being baptized on Sunday in what’s shaping up to be a multicultural Sunday. In addition to baptizing an Ethiopian, the archbishop of Rangoon, Burma is preaching the sermon at the 8:30 service, during the education hour a chaplain for Karen refugees in Thailand will be sharing as well as a missionary from Argentina, and later that afternoon there will be a baptism and confirmation of a number of Karen parishioners.
  • We’re hosting a little shindig for Milo which means we need to clean the house. Bigtime. Plus Milo’s God parents are coming in to town from the east coast and staying with us. We should maybe clear off the bed in the guest room for them.

I didn’t plan any of this to happen at the same time. I just is. And it’s kind of cool that it’s working out that way.