The Quotable Lexi


December 30th, 2008

A list of things Lexi says or strange names she has come up with for everyday things:

1. Chicken Chips – Pringles
2. And I quote, “It’s a predicament. A predicament is a problem.” (Way to go Sesame Street)
3. Gorilla Bar – Granola Bar
4. Lay over – Roll over
5. “It’s the over part.” – End credits to a T.V. show or movie
6. A cup of drink – A drink of water
7. “My arm is broken” – Her arm fell asleep
8. “Whatever.” – She channels an exasperated, middle-school girl for this statement. It usually comes complete with sighs and eye-rolls.

SNL, Palin & Biden


October 6th, 2008

99% of the time Saturday Night Live annoys me. However, their coverage of the VP debate made me laugh out loud. Check it out.

Economic Problems Solved


September 29th, 2008

I got this as an e-mail forward but still…sounds like a good plan to me.

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$85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.
To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college – it’ll be there
Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car – create jobs
Invest in the market – capital drives growth
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back, and of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.
Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.”
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC .

And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

__________________________

Baby Care Simplified


March 2nd, 2008

For those of us who don’t want to read the entire Dr. Sear’s Library.

Simple and straight to the point.

Best Excuse for Not Listening to Your Mom


January 28th, 2008

While I was picking Lexi up from Sunday School two older boys (second-graders?) were running laps around the room. One boy’s mom asked them to stop running. He paused and replied,”But Mom, we don’t want to get Type 2 diabetes.” and then kept on running.

Easter


April 7th, 2007

I few weeks ago Kevin and I talked about Easter and how we wanted to celebrate it with Lexi. It was already a given that the religious part of the holiday would be the main focus, but what about the Easter Bunny? After talking about it for a while we decided that the Easter Bunny would not be making an appearance at our house. It’s a good thing too, because tonight on my way home from Target, Lexi and I saw him outside of BoozeMart, fumbling to use the pay phone.

The Magic Bullet


March 3rd, 2007

Have you heard of the Magic Bullet? It’s “the personal, versatile countertop magician that does any job…in 10 seconds or less!” And it is the made for T.V. product with the best infomercial ever. Seriously. It’s on every weekend on the CW or WB or whatever the channel is that Gilmore Girls is on. If I happen to see it, I will actually sit down and watch the whole thing. They have a fake audience, but it’s even better than the fake audience. It’s 5 or 6 actors (and I use that term lightly) sitting around a kitched counter watching the 2 uber-perky hosts make salsa, omlets, muffins, nachos and pasta in 10 seconds or less. The audience consists of a newly wed couple that got so many complicated applicance as wedding gifts they don’t know what to do, a tired house wife, some guy who only likes frozen drinks and nachos (both of which can be made with the Magic Bullet) and a crabby women in a bathrobe and slippers, a terrible New York accent and a cigarette with about an inch of ash dangling out of her mouth. The audience members are wowed and amazed that you can cook hundreds of healthy meals without ever using a pot or pan – and all in under 10 seconds and all in an appliance that takes up less room than a regular size coffee cup.

If you see the infomercial, stop and watch it for 5-10 minutes. It’s pretty funny.

A Cell Phone Conversation


July 28th, 2006

While in Target I overheard a man talking to his wife on his cell. (Since I couldn’t hear her, I’m just making up what she said on her end of the phone.)

Man: Where are you?

Wife: I’m in the make-up section.

Man: Well, I can’t find you and I don’t know where that section is.

Wife: Okay, where are you? I’ll come to you.

Man: I am standing on the west side of the bras.

(Interesting side note: the bras were actually 2 whole sections away from where the man was standing. I was standing about 6 feet from him and couldn’t even see the bra section of the store.)

So Cool, You’re Hot. So Hot, You’re Cool (but not really)


July 16th, 2005

I was driving home today and there was this kid walking down Snelling. He was wearing an orange hoodie with the hood up and pants that were the same orange material as the hoodie. Plus he had on big black high-top sneakers. Okay, not a big deal to see someone dressed like that, except for the fact that it is 95 degrees out today and something like 75% humidity.