Dakota county likes their storm sirens. A lot. If it rains, if their is flooding, a chance of flooding, thunderstorms, if it’s storming in Iowa, if it’s windy, if it’s anything but 70 degrees and sunny, the sirens go off.

It’s the city that cried wolf.

A friend of mine is finishing up her Master’s in Human Sexuality and found this in her reading:

I can’t decide if it’s funny? sad? amusing? disturbing? all of the above?

INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
On the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationship of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God, by Ruth Smythers, beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers, Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional Conference.

Published in the year of our Lord 1894, Spiritual Guidance Press, New York City

To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride’s terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife’s best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction. Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband.

A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage. By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.

Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include, among others, performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted. A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he is huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.

As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must ensure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband’s home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband’s desire for sexual expression.

–copyright 1894 The Madison Institute.

(HT: becky)

I realized this weekend (when my parents were in town) that we need more glasses. When we got married we started out with a set of 12. Now, mostly thanks to one of my closest friends (who shall remain nameless) we are down to 5. Now I’m not saying she broke 7 glasses, Kevin and I have broken a couple as well. But I’m pretty sure that she’s broken a glass every time she’s come to our house.

14 months. 42 countries. 1000 of people. Lots of dancing.

A couple days ago I decided I wanted to find a site that I could put all of my “wish list” items in one place. I wanted a site that would let me include anything and everything I found online. And I found one. Wishlist.com allows you to do just that. I signed up add a bunch of fun stuff and moved a bunch of my stuff from my amazon list to the new list. Then a couple hours later I logged back in to my amazon list and saw a huge banner that said “you can now make amazon.com your universal wishlist.” Seriously? How did I miss this? Is it new? I’m sure it’s not new. I’m never that ahead of the game.

Well, anyway, for those of you in gift-giving moods, I’ve added links to my blog with my wish lists. My amazon list contains only books, DVD’s & CD’s. The list on wishlist.com contains everything else. There are also lists for Lexi and the new baby. Same deal - the amazon list is a children’s book list and everything else is on their wishlists. Happy shopping.

I stumbled across this website a while ago and it just occurred to me that there are probably a lot of people who read my blog who may be interested in it. It’s called Mamas Like and it’s basically a blog filled with reviews of various kids’/family products. Their guidelines for reviewing something is that a) they need to like the product, b) it’s a small-business venture run by women and more specifically work-at-home moms c) your product is your own unique creation. They have a whole bunch of other guidelines, but those are the biggest.

Here’s my favorite part of the site - almost everything that they review they get an actual sample of and they almost always give it away. To win, all you have to do is leave a comment. I won a gift pack from Sophia Bean a few months ago. And I never win anything.

Remember my love of fabric stores?

Someday, I want a room of my house to look like this.

This is the fabric room at the Guthrie Theater. And I am jealous. We had a quick behind the scenes tour and got to see their costume shop. They die their own fabrics, create all the costumes, make wigs, block hats, alter shoes, everything. I couldn’t stop staring at the fabrics. I wouldn’t need all the bolts in their entirety, just a yard or so from each. That’s not too much to ask, right?

I’ve you haven’t heard of freecycle then you are seriously missing out. If you don’t mind getting used stuff, it’s a great way to go.

I’m on a hunt for books, puzzles and dramatic play stuff for my classroom. Today I replied to an add for children’s books and puzzles. Once she found out I was a teacher she unloaded a car full of stuff. I left with 4 bags of movies, books and puzzles, 3 Mr. Potato Head dolls, 2 dolls, an easel (which I think Lexi may have claimed), 2 games, a grocery bag of markers, crayons and paints, and a bucket of building block toys. Not a bad deal for free.

Yesterday I picked up a bunch of arts and craft supplies from someone cleaning out their craft room.

My porch is starting to look like we are getting ready for another garage sale. I’m going to have to start hauling stuff to school pretty soon.

My SIL copied this from another blog and now I’m copying it from her. (Yup, another unoriginal post.)

Oh and for some reason word press is being stupid about uploading pictures where I tell it to. In the entry they are all nice and lined up and look very pretty. But when I go to post, it just slaps them where ever it feels like. So, we’ll see how it goes.

1. Your age on your next birthday.

2. A place you’d like to travel to.

3. Your favorite place.

4. Your favorite object.

5. Your favorite food.

6. Your favorite animal.

7. Your favorite color.

8. The town where you were born.

9. The town where you live.

10. The name of a past pet.

11. The name of a past love.

12. Your screen name

13. Your first name.

14. Your middle name.

15. Your last name.

16. Your maiden name.

17. Bad habit of yours.

18. Your first job.

19. Your grandmother’s name.

20. College/Grad School Major(s)

Kevin did a count of how many of the top 100 movies, music, books and T.V. shows he’s seen/hear/read from the Entertainment Weekly. And since I lack originality in my blogging this evening, I’m doing the same thing but I’m also adding the stage list and the tech list (and just to clarify, the tech list is stuff that I either own or use on a regular basis).

Movies 51/100

1. Pulp Fiction
2. Lord of the Rings Trilogy
3. Titanic
4. Toy Story
5. Saving Private Ryan
6. The Silence of the Lambs
7. Die Hard
8. Moulin Rouge
9. Edward Scissorhands
10. Spinal Tap
11. The Matrix
12. Jerry Maguire
13. Do the Right Thing
14. The Lion King
15. Schindler’s List
16. Rushmore
17. A Room With a View
18. Shrek
19. Hoop Dreams
20. The Bourne Supremacy (I was just informed that I did not see Bourne Supremacy. I saw Bourne Identity. Whatever. I’ve still seen more movies than you.)
21. When Harry Met Sally
22. The Breakfast Club
23. Fargo
24. The Incredibles
25. Pretty Woman
26. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
27. Spider-Man 2
28. Speed (or The Bus that Wouldn’t Slow Down)
29. Dazed and Confused
30. Clueless
31. Rain Man
32. Men in Black
33. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
34. The Piano
35. The Naked Gun
36. The Truman Show
37. Risky Business
38. Ghostbusters
39. Scream
40. Beverly Hills Cop
41. Big
42. Dirty Dancing
43. Thelma and Louise
44. Office Space
45. Out of Africa
46. Terminator 2
47. Waiting for Guffman
48. The 40 Year-Old Virgin
49. Austin Powers
50. Napoleon Dynamite
51. Back to the Future
52. Ed Wood

Books 12/100

1. Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire
2. Beloved
3. Bridget Jone’s Diary
4. The Joy Luck Club
5. Naked
6. Angela’s Ashes
7. The Poisonwood Bible
8. Waiting to Exhale
9. The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down
10. Holes
11. High Fidelity
12. The Da Vinci Code

T.V. 60/100

1. Simpsons
2. Seinfeld
3. The X-Files
4. Sex and the City
5. Lost
6. Survivor
7. The Cosby Show
8. Friends
9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
10. Freaks and Geeks
11. The Daily Show
12. The Office
13. The Oprah Winfrey Show
14. Arrested Development
15. American Idol
16. ER
17. Beverly Hills 90210
18. Roseanne
19. The Real World
20. Law & Order
21. The West Wing
22. Late Show with David Letterman
23. Gilmore Girls
24. My So-Called Life
25. thirtysomething
26. Beavis & Butt-head
27. Fraiser
28. L.A. Law
29. NYPD Blue
30. Late Night with Conan O’Brien
31. Jeopardy!
32. Ally McBeal
33. Baywatch
34. Melrose Place
35. Felicity
36. Will & Grace
37. Moonlighting
38. Pee-wee’s Playhouse
39. The Amazing Race
40. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
41. The Office
42. Mystery Science Theater 3000
43. Family Guy
44. Everybody Loves Raymond
45. NewsRadio
46. Project Runway
47. In Living Color
48. The Golden Girls
49. King of the Hill
50. Murphy Brown
51. Northern Exposure
52. The Kids in the Hall
53. Malcolm in the Middle
54. Dawson’s Creek
55. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
56. Married…with Children
57. Designing Women
58. The Arsenio Hall Show
59. Party of Five
60. Saved by the Bell

Music 19/100

1. Purple Rain - Prince
2. Achtung Baby - U2
3. Madonna - Madonna
4. Nirvana - Nirvana
5. Come On Over - Shania Twain
6. Jagged Little Pill - Alanis Morisette
7. CrazySexyCool - TLC
8. Sheryl Crow - Sheryl Crow
9. Legend - Bob Marley
10. Homogenic - Bjork
11. American IV: The Man Comes Around - Johny Cash
12. Rhythm Nation - Janet Jackson
13. The Joshua Tree - U2
14. Metallica - Metallica
15. Play - Moby
16. Born in the U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen
17. Vs. - Pearl Jam
18. Home - Dixie Chicks
19. Siamese Dream - Smashing Pumpkin

Stage 5/50

1. Rent
2. The Phantom of the Opera
3. The Lion King
4. Les Miserables
5. Stomp

Tech 9/25

1. DVD player
2. iPod
3. YouTube
4. Stadium Seating in Multiplexes
5. MySpace
6. Netscape Navigator
7. Netflix
8. Gameboy
9. Polyphonic Ringtones