Sometimes as the parent of an adopted child you get a lot of comments that are spoken innocently but come from a place of ignorance. Education is part of our job, but sometimes it gets a little frustrating.
This mother reached that point of frustration over people expressing how lucky her son must be.
“What a lucky little boy.”…
Lucky? Lucky. Lucky to have been born on a continent terrorized by war, corruption and greed? Lucky to have been born in a country where 25,000 women and girls die each year due to pregnancy-related complications? Lucky to have been born in a country where more than half the population has ZERO access to basic medical care? Lucky to have been born in a region reliant upon rainfall and devastated by drought?
And on it goes.
The rescue and lucky mentality people have with orphans so easily overlooks the very real pain and trauma inherent in it all. It engenders a need for gratefulness and payback among the children that’s just unhealthy. It turns a blind eye to the reality of their situation and turns adoptive parents into superheros that we’re definitely not.
It reminds me of another recent comment from an adoptive parent: “Are you kidding? I’m the lucky one.”
Amen.
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This post has sparked some pushback on Facebook. If you think this post is overblown, you can read some further reactions and commentary there, including a pile of links that back this idea up.
Interesting that I was reading a blog discussion on the same topic…
A few links for those interested:
http://1crazyfamily.wordpress.com/2010/02/20/comments-that-make-me-fume/ (a response to the comment “she should just feel lucky someone adopted her)
http://seumnida.annyeong.net/?p=1220 (on the concept of gratitude in adoption)
Very interesting Facebook discussion. I’m so involved with progressive adoption professionals and groups that I forget that these types of discussions are even going on.