Today and tomorrow we have all-day adoption classes that will hopefully answer some of our questions and no doubt bring up a lot more questions. But it’s exciting to move forward.
As much as I’ve talked about this process, I’m not sure I’ve talked about why we decided to adopt. And I should start by saying this is my own personal reason and I’m not suggesting it should apply to everyone. It’d be great if it did and I think maybe it should, but I won’t go that for. You’ve got to make up your own mind about that.
I want to adopt because I think there are just too many children in this world who need loving families. When I consider how many children out there are orphaned it seems almost selfish to naturally have a baby.
Of course we did have a baby naturally and I’m glad we did. It’s given me the confidence to know I can parent (OK, I’ll never know that for sure, but I haven’t broken Lexi yet). The step of being a parent was so huge I had trouble making it, and I’m not sure I could have done it if I also had to contend with the responsibility that this was someone else’s child.
You could call Lexi the practice child.
Just kidding.
But now that I know what I’m doing–or at least have a better idea what I’m in for and feebly think I can handle it–I think I’m ready to help one of those millions of children who needs a home. I’m prepared for that responsibility.
I guess I want to adopt because it seems like the most loving, sensible and logical thing to do–which is kind of funny, because taking in a child that isn’t yours doesn’t sound very sensible or logical. But if you have any compassion in your heart it seems like a no-brainer.
I never feel like I’m explaining this stuff very well, that people will take offense where I didn’t intend it and not quite get what I’m trying to say. But there it is.
I think adoption might be offensive to some in the same way that becoming a missionary might be offensive. We can all appreciate the goodness and sacrifice in it, but we end up feeling that our common lives are now inadequate. It’s like spiritual covetousness.
And that’s exactly what I mean. I don’t intend to have some kind of hero-mindset or suggest that I’m doing some incredibly noble and great thing. I see it as a responsibility that I’m capable of taking on, so I should take it on.
I do think that lots of people should adopt, but it’s not something everybody can or should do and it’s not something anyone should be looked down on for not doing (just like no one should be looked down on for not having children at all or remaining single or becoming or not becoming a missionary, etc.).
Excuse the anonymous post, but whenever adoptees try to speak up our blogs get flooded with people telling us how wrong we are, and to shut up and be grateful.
I’m really happy you’re taking the education time, but just be careful. Follow the money trail. How much do these classes cost, and who are they given by? If they are given by your agency, they may only tell you half of the story. I don’t know the case with your particular class or agency, so this is just a blanket warning. A lot of times they won’t tell you the entire truth of the special needs of adopted children, and it winds up with just heartache for everyone around.
Also please be aware that not every ‘unwanted’ child was in fact unwanted. The coercion and pressure to adopt that young girls with a crisis pregnancy are faced with is horrible. The amount of money agencies get for a newborn infant almost ensures they won’t tell a young woman of her other options to parent, only tell her what a ‘loving choice’ it is to give her baby away.
Here’s a video of a recent mother. Can anyone say this child was not wanted or loved:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=bQbtxhvsKA0
I’d just say be very careful, not only for the child and their mother, but for your heart too. Our adoptive parents were in no way prepared for what happened we reached crisis ages of 7 and 13. It broke their hearts. I’d just suggest going out on the internet, and reading the uncensored voices of adoptees, natural parents and adoptive parents with older children – not the ones with children under 7. One thing you’ll notice, as the children reach 7, many adoptive parent blogs go very quiet.
Also I’m making an assumption here that you’re thinking of adopting a newborn or an infant from overseas, so forgive me if I am incorrect. But there are over 115,000 children in foster care in America right now who desperately need homes, much more than the unborn baby of a mother who does desperately want her baby but is not being told of her options to parent. Many people will say they don’t wish to adopt an older child from foster care because of the issues they’ll have, but what many agencies won’t tell you is, because of the neurochemical damage that happens to a newborn when separated from his or her mother, all adoptees are special needs. The damage most certainly can be reversed and overcome, but it takes time and work.
Take care, and best wishes.
Thanks for the comment, ‘Something to keep in mind’. I can assure you that we’ve certainly done our research and I’m not worried that our agency is cheating us or screwing over birth parents or adoptees. The agency has a 100+ year history and is one of the largest in the nation. They have a very good reputation.
There are certainly issues to consider and ways things could be done better. It’d be great if these children didn’t need to be adopted. And we should work towards that (I believe part of our payment goes towards helping the orphanage and work in the country we adopt from).
But it doesn’t change the current reality. Kids need homes, both here in the U.S. and abroad.