And in other news, the announcement came today. It’s officially over. Friends of mine called off their wedding. I haven’t heard yet if just the wedding is off, or if the entire engagement is off–or even the entire relationship, though I expect the latter. (For the life of me I’ve never really understood the use of former or latter when you have a list like that. I’m just guessing at what’s the correct usage. Wow, we’re just laying it all out tonight.) That saddens me.
Marriage is a hard thing. It’s nothing to enter lightly. But it’s also something that doesn’t get easier. It’s not like a light goes off in your head and you know that this is it. It’s a commitment to stick with somebody and work things out. Some people think that there is one chosen person out there for each of us to marry (assuming it’s in the scheme of your life to get married, which is not a valid assumption). I’m not so sure about that. I think it’s more a matter of really working and trying to live with somebody. Marriage takes a lot of effort, and you can’t sit on your hands hoping that this is the one. You have to put forth the effort to make sure they stay the one. You’ve got to make the relationship happen. Obviously you don’t do that with any random stranger, you’ve got to have a deep friendship there. But there will be times when you can’t stand each other. Doubts will crowd your mind and you’ll wonder what you’re doing. And that’s when you stick it out. That’s marriage.
I don’t mean to harp on my friends. They’re unsure of what they’re doing and they’ve decided to hold off. That’s a smart thing to do. It’s also a very difficult thing to suddenly throw so many plans into the air. The chances of everything falling back into place again are slim. You’ve got even more work to do to keep things together. And I don’t just mean the relationship, I mean your sanity. That’s a blow to your sense of self, and regardless of where the relationship stands, you need some love. And sometimes in the midst of life, that’s hard to find. I hope against hope that they’re able to find it.