Familial Roles Rant

Whenever I want to get angry I go to my favorite rant-enducing website, Boundless.org (the Focus on the Family website for college students). And I can say that, because they blacklisted me. Apparently our worldviews are fundamentally opposed. That’s what they told me when I disagreed with them on population control. I thought it was a minor issue where civilized people agree to disagree. Apparently you just blacklist each other.

Anyway, today I felt like getting riled up, so I wandered over to Boundless to see what was brewing. As usual, they had something annoying. This week it was a reader’s response to an article. These are my favorite, because it’s proof that I’m not the only person who thinks they’re nuts.

Earlier this year Boundless did an article on motherhood and how it’s important for college women to think about staying home with their children rather then putting them in daycare. It’s a worthy topic. Someone wrote in complaining about several things in the article and the author wrote back with a snooty little defense of the original article. Here’s a sample that hints at what riled me up:

“First, you say that I never mention ‘the option of the husband staying at home with the children. There are many Christian males that have decided to stay at home with their children while their wives earn the family’s income.’ Actually, very few husbands do this. This may not seem fair, but it is reality. Better, I think, to plan for what is statistically probable, than for the possibility that you will be one of the few who find a husband willing to stay home with the kids.”

What bothers me about this whole discussion of parenting is that it’s a discussion of motherhood, not parenting. Fathers are basically left completely out of the discussion. Apparently we’re not very likely to stay home with the children, so that’s not worth discussing. Apparently fathers don’t count. Apparently fathers have no responsibility in this discussion. Apparently the father’s only role is to bring home the bacon. Coaching T-ball is optional.

Since when was parenting strictly a mother’s domain? Do fathers simply bring home the bacon, pay the bills, and mow the lawn? Is that my role in life? Am I only supposed to play with my kids on the weekend? Shouldn’t I be considering my career options with child care in mind? Why is it that only the mother is expected to choose between a career and her children? Apparently Daddy knows best just keeps his nose in the office and smiles and nods approvingly, maybe giving stern looks if necessary, and if things are really bad whips off the belt for a little corporal punishment. Welcome to the Focus on the Family world. No thanks.

One of these days (and it will be sooner than I like) my wife and I will want to have kids. We’re going to have to make that decision about what to do with our children. And quite honestly, I want to be involved in this decision. And not just in the “Yes dear,” approach that willingly submits to one of two options–daycare or stay-at-home mom. There’s more options than that. There’s more than two ways to raise a child. I could–gasp–stay at home. Abby and I could alternate days or even years. We could both work part time jobs. We could even make my mother’s day and move in next door to her (don’t hold your breath, mom).

All I’m saying is that raising children is not simply a mother’s domain. It takes two to have a child, and it takes two to raise a child. It really bothers me that Focus on the Family, of all organizations, decides to leave the father completely out of the picture.

Some days I’m really glad they told me they wouldn’t publish my writing.

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