I’m finding it more and more and difficult to sit through church without being bothered and put off by something. Whether it’s the giddy new music leader, who used to lead children and now leads the congregation with the exact same style or the pastor’s sermon that never gets around to answering its own question. I’m a cynic, and I can’t stand it.

I’d love it if my church attendance was problem free. Wouldn’t it be great if I could sit there and enjoy every minute of it? But no, this bothers me, and that bothers me, and I end up shaking my head and looking at my watch. I stop singing and wonder why it has to be the way it is.

I could always switch churches. But, quite frankly, I’m tired of that. I’m tired of walking into a church and not knowing anybody, and having none of them know me. Finding a new church has to be one of the most arduous tasks you’ll ever undergo. But is it much better that I walk into the church I go to now and people still don’t know me? At least I recognize them and they recognize me. We just don’t know each other’s names and probably wouldn’t acknowledge each other in the grocery store. Kind of pathetic, huh?

And I know what the problem is. I can’t blame it all on unfriendly church members. A majority of the problem is that I haven’t taken the initiative, I haven’t gotten involved. A man shook my hand today and rattled of his name during the greeting time of the service. I dread this part of the service.

“Let’s all stand and greet one another.” Slowly everyone stands up and puts on their best fake smile and greets everyone around them. Greeting usually involves shaking hands and saying hello. If there’s not enough people around you, you might have to ask what the person’s name is, just to make conversation. You never actually meet anyone, you never actually talk to them again, you just greeted them, so it’s all good.

Anyway, the man behind me shook my hand and rattled off his full name. I smiled and mumbled my name back to him, completely incoherently. I frankly didn’t care who he was.

Sometimes my attitude disgusts even me.

Is it pretentious to pray for something you want to succeed, just because you know if you pray you’ve somehow got God on your side?

Do you know what bothers me most about Christians? We’re afraid to think.

The pastor showed a tremendous lack of logical thought in his sermon this morning. Certainly it was a difficult issue, bordering on foreknowledge and predestination, which I don’t pretend to be very knowledgeable about. But it didn’t take much thought to see that he never really answered his own question. He was attempting to address a difficult question of the faith, and frankly it was still a question to most of the congregation.

Even the way we read and digest the Bible shows an aversion to thought. Look at the story of Gideon. Every time Gideon’s story is taught to children, we focus on the good parts. Even in adult studies you rarely look at Gideon’s whole life. In case you don’t remember, Gideon was the guy in the Old Testament who had an army. God said the army was too big, so Gideon whittled it down to size. It was still to big, so Gideon made it smaller. Finally the army was the size God wanted it, and Gideon’s army attacked. But they didn’t really attack. They made some noise, blew some trumpets, and lit some torches and the enemy was confused and attacked each other. Great story. But the story doesn’t end there. Gideon and his army chase the remaining enemies away, and in the process a whole bunch of people get slaughtered. Of course they were bad guys, so it’s okay. That in itself is a hefty theological hurtle that few care to jump. But if you keep reading Gideon goes on to take his war spoils and make a big gold object of sorts for the Israelites to worship. So Israel stopped following God and worshipped this hunk of gold, all thanks to Gideon. What a great guy. What a hero of the faith. Do we ever stop and consider this story? Do we ever try and grapple with the complexities of what’s going on here? No, we just talk about how faithful Gideon was in listening and obeying God, and how God provided for Gideon by delivering his enemies into his hands. Great story with a happy ending where everybody wins. Except of course for the thousands slaughtered, the Israelites who fell into idolatry, and Gideon who failed as a leader.

Sometimes I wonder if God can use a cynic.