How I Spend My Time

Sometimes I just have to stop and wonder if what I’m doing is right. Here I am in life, making choices to do certain things. I decide to be a part of a yo-yo ministry here, over here I decide to be a radio personality. Sometimes I just wonder if I’m concentrating on what I need to be concentrating on. Is this worth while? It really makes me wonder sometimes as I see things disappear before my eyes. I ended up leaving the yo-yo ministry. Was that time well spent? My co-host who’s made radio a lot of fun may be leaving next year. Was that time well spent? I just have these doubts sometimes. I suppose I’m learning valuable skills and just enjoying life, but I just have to wonder sometimes. I get so excited about things when I’m in the midst of them. Then six months later it’s all over. Do I just keep building myself up to let myself down? Or am I focusing in the wrong area? Life is really confusing sometimes. I really value the experiences I’ve had in my life, but is it okay to question them? Could there be more out there that would be, in a sense, better to experience? Or do I need these ‘sidetracks’ to make me who I am? I just can’t help wondering sometimes, and just asking questions.

Who I am as a person so often seems to be shaped by who I’m with. And when that person leaves, it’s as if I lose shape. That part of me falls apart. It no longer works like it once did. The chemistry just isn’t there anymore. Am I always going to be shaped this way? Perhaps I need to be shaped by myself and be guided by my own dreams.

I’m just a little confused sometimes, and all I can do is sit and wonder.

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