The days blur together and the blessed night finally comes. The night children look forward to all year long: Christmas Eve. I’m twenty now, and somehow it doesn’t seem so magical. The family traditions have been forgotten, I don’t even stay up as late as I can so I’ll be tired and immediately fall asleep. Now I have other things on my mind, other worries, other concerns, other joys. The ripping of wrapping paper doesn’t bring monumental change.

So what does the future hold, Lord? Tonight Santa rides the clouds, satisfying wants across the country. In another week the tension will build as we all find out if there’s any reason Y2Kare. Then the holiday season ends, and it’s back to the usual. I know that He holds all in his hands, and I have nothing to fear. But you can’t help wondering. How’s it all going to work out.

And I’ve noticed from skipping these thoughts the past several days, my thoughts don’t quite pull together as nicely as they used to. I answered an email today, telling the person my one desire is to make him think. Perhaps I need to do more of that myself. Now that I’m home for break, I don’t have my roommate pestering me to write my daily thoughts. He’ll be glad to know he’s influential.

I do know the one thing I want for Christmas. I’ll probably be disappointed. But I want a white Christmas. I want lots of snow. Maybe I’ll get it before the year’s end.

Merry Christmas. And to all, a good night.

Sometimes I sit in my seat and wonder at it all. The tiny blue dot, chockfull of six billion people, floating through the unending empty blackness of space with no particular place to go. Six billion people, all with their own agendas, their own lives, their own worries, their own dreams–all hoping in someone or something, or maybe even in nothing at all. They are a speck of sand on the beach, unnoticed by the other 5,999,999,999 people and completely insignificant in the limitlessness of space. They each have their own goals. They put their hope in friends or money or power. Some search for good times, ultimate thrills, or a cozy place. Some look for acceptance, love, belonging. Some just sit quietly in the dirt, content with their lot, waiting for time to pass and life to finally leave them. Some have big plans that never really amount to anything, inflated dreams that simply float away, never realized, never actualized, never attained. Some just save themselves the trouble and don’t bother dreaming. Some would rather stay safely at home, where things never change, never get old, and never have to readjust. Some look to the stars, and some look to technology. Some look to themselves, and some look to others. But in this cosmic search of life, it seems odd to me that so few come to understand their futile hunt–they journey their entire lives and never really get anywhere. It’s just one rite of passage after another and life continues on, hardly even interrupted, hardly noticing the change, hardly noticing that what once the goal is now fleeting, and that a new, even more unattainable goal has taken its place. The journey is circular. Around and around in a downward spiral, falling farther and farther into the great unknown. People have a deep desire within them to find something. They usually don’t know what they’re looking for, but they keep looking anyway. If only they could stop. Realize the answers to their questions. Enjoy new life, and new hope.

Some days I like to dream. I like to dream about interesting ideas, histories that might have been, and future possibilities. What would the world be like if we actually valued nature over dollars and cents? Will the American love affair with the automobile ever end, or will it continue to be the epitome of consumerism and individualism. Is space man’s new territory to explore and colonize? What will life be like with colonies on the moon and Mars? Will famine, poverty and war still exist? What about my future? Will I follow the rank and file? Or will I step out and be someone different? Will I walk to work through the blowing piles of snow because of my value system? Crunch crunch, crunch crunch, crunch crunch. Something about that appeals to me. Some days you just need to ask what if, and ponder the possibilities.